Tuesday, December 15, 2009

~The wish Bearer visits!~

Well, I know I said only yesterday that I was feeling inward and not so much in a sharing space BUT I have to celebrate this amazing happening! This amazing women...beautiful, soulful, deep..and her hubby, who, while I don't know him I assume he must be fanatically amazing because, well, he's married to Rebecca!

THEY PASSED COURT TODAY!!!! Beautiful, sweet B is officially their daughter! I'd have to say this is the best Christmas/solstice present EVER! SO in honour of you, dear friend I post these!

♥I guess you can change a few of those lyrics now♥

Monday, December 14, 2009

♥~Happy Holidays~♥

I've reach one of those times. A time when, even though there is so much going on in my life, I seem to have nothing to write about. Maybe its because I am fully embracing this season of hibernation...going inside, hunkering down, finding inner warmth.

My mind is whirling with things I'd like to share. Pieces of me I'd like to reveal....but not now.

For now I'll say, I hope you all have a beautifully comforting holiday season. That you are able to deepen connections with you family's and warm each others hearts.

So no matter what holiday you celebrate, wishing you the very best.
xo~ Jenn

*edited to add link* this quilt was made by Kristen Miller

Thursday, November 26, 2009

~They'll call me Freedom~

(post edited because apparently the video was cause my blog to freeze up, I switched it to a new one....does it work now?)
This song is playing in my mind. A loop in which I hear the generations that come after this joining in some kind of strange ethereal voice. exultant.

It touches me deeply.

I weep when it plays.
My children singing in chorus declaring this song amazing! beautiful! their favorite.

I feel like its my song...a different kind of war, a different kind of struggle in a very different country.

But you can call me freedom, just like a waving flag.

I am oh so grateful.

To hear more by K Naan go here

Thursday, November 19, 2009

~ A Reminder~

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material.")

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

~Facing my Demon~

I had a vision of how this would go. Thoughts of connections, dear friends, community...thoughts of being actively involved in all of these things. Dreams of filling in the blanks...were there blanks to fill in? dreams of some thing more....although I sit here and wonder, more then what?

My chest is tight and I am shaky...food seems to have become my enemy, my body taking up issues with the usuals on my plate.

I am tired, so very tired. When did walking up the stairs become a major physical activity?

I am smiling at my children, playing lego in the sunshine. They are patient, enjoying the slow paced days that have become more and more frequent.

This is not what I had in mind.

This? This is something I fear with every molecule of my being. This is a kind of sick that you can't send away with healthy doses of ginger, garlic and echinacea. This is deeper....this is my demon. I have no choice but to face it. To accept that my body and I are not always on the same page. To realize that I can not take my health for granted. That I can not assume that I will never be here again. I am here...again. To be tested? To be reminded? To find strength, reach deeper?

Tears keep welling up in my eyes.

I don't want this.

I've been well for so long that I really did believe that this was over.

But its not.

Here I am, in the same town. At the same time of year, 5 years later. Deep breath.

(links to previous post as to exactly where "here" is: here and here part 2 )

Monday, November 16, 2009

♪♫Melodious Monday♪♫

A wonderful lil' treat for you all today. I was lying in bed this morning and this song came into my mind. The best part about this song for me is that I have so many memories attached to both voices. This song takes me to a place of wonder...of yes! makes me want to tell...makes me want to breathe in the scent of my loved ones with words on my lips so that they know, in some poetic, memorable way, that the are loved in a big, big, multifaceted way. This song inspires me.

Maiya Robbie and I went to high school together. When I returned to our hometown years later we reconnected through her amazing mama, a dear friend of mine, and enjoyed many an open mic night, harmonizing together singing tunes like Hallelujah by Leonard Choen and Only in The Past by the Be Good Tanyas.

Shane Koyczan is another old high school friend who I've run into at a great many places and seems to know so many of the folks I know...interwoven into my life like a beautiful thread that always surprises me when it shows up. It was a great treat to run into him at a Po' Girl show the other night...an even greater treat to have him open the second set with an amazing piece...he is a word smith wonder and world champion slam poet!

anyway...here you go... Enjoy a wee bit of Shane Koyczan and the Long Story Short. Congrats on your recent win at the BC Interior Music Awards guys...best new artist! You totally deserve it!

Monday, November 2, 2009

My Arsenal of Weapons

Here I ebb. Here I pull back. I retreat into that space of home and hearth and family. A space of gentle days and low pressures. A space where I do my damnedest to reduce my stress as much as humanly possible.

Times are heavy., Hearts are heavy. This seems to be the tone in the lives of so many that I hold close. This odd time where the little lights that shine are oh-so brilliant, but the heaviness seems to be casting shadows long and dark.

I've done something that I tend to do. Leapt in with both feet. Loaded my plate high with the bounty of life, of this new land and all these wonderful people. Forgot that I am dealing with some of the biggest stresses of my life. Expected that I, the super human mama, could do it ALL. Do it all while tenderly cradling the hearts of all I know who are in pain. Forgot that I too have a heart that is in pain. That I need to cradle myself...to let go of the overflowing plate.

We are living in a new house, a house that we don't own. We are living in a town that we've been away from for 4 1/2 years in an area that holds much painful history for me. There are oh so many amazing aspects of being here. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I would be lying if I didn't say it was hard, or that there is a part of me that is mourning the loss of our old "life". I need to allow myself the time to settle...and that with 4 children it may take a LONG time!

My dad is dying and it scares the shit out of me. I am realizing this. He is coming to live with us which also scares the shit out of me. (we have a separate suite in our house so it is perfect for him) I worry for him. I worry for me, for our children. For my husband. How do people do this?!

Most of the time I feel grateful for this time. To know that we have time to say goodbye. Time to cherish one another. But it is HARD! so hard to watch him suffer. So hard to let go of my "organized" nature and just BE with this without knowing how it will flow. So hard to let go of all of the things that I "do" with my time that I just can't do anymore....not now anyway.

I tend to get sick when I am burnt out. Anxiety creeps in and I sink into the depths of the overwhelmed. Fortunately I have come to understand that if I reduce my stresses (the ones that I am in control of anyway) it makes a world of difference. So I am setting out to navigate these frightful seas with my "arsenal of weapons"

I am setting aside expectations. I am clearing my calendar. I am coming if I can make it. I am sorry for the inconvenience but I know that I am surrounded by loved ones who understand.

I am snuggling in bed with my kids. I am having long phone chats with my Dad while he prepares for the move. I am cooking dinner with my husband and listening to him play his music with eyes closed and heart open. I am holding him, laughing with him, crying with him. I am crafting, sewing. I am wearing my pj's still. I am excepting the loving help of my friends. I am taking bubble baths with lots of kiddo's and lots of toys. I am looking into the faces of my children and being filled with awe at their beauty. I am running my fingers through their hair, kissing their foreheads, inhaling their glorious fragrances. I am taking deep breaths. Reminding myself to be gentle with my words, my energy.

I am going outside. Fresh air, head to the sky.

I am turning off the computer. I am watch "feel good" movies, romantic comedies, love stories, fantasy action adventure. I am listening to books on tape with arm loads of babes and blankets...thanks you CS Lewis! I am reading cook books and making grocery lists. I am drinking tea, drinking more water, taking my supplements, eating more apples. We are collecting beach glass...remembering that we have a beach and that we can be there everyday. I am remembering the WE.

I am opening up in sweet surrender....

Monday, October 26, 2009

Melodious Mondays

*a new edition to weekly rituals*
music is so intrinsically woven into the fiber of my being. it seems only logical to spill that over here. maybe one day I'll post one of my own tracks..but for now I'll share what inspires me.

Iron and Wine have been a key part of my musical rotation for many, many years. This song...mmmm, I LOVE, I love the driving rhythm, the harmonies, the clapping, how it made me want to dance even before I saw the video.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

~Wordless Wednesday~

(as seen through the roof of our sun-room!)

Monday, October 12, 2009

~We be Jammin'~

♪I like to jam it wich you♪♫

*plum jam actually...lots of plum jam*

We headed up to pick plums at a friends before the killer frost hit. I was shocked at the sheer amount of fruit still on the trees when we got there! So, our clan of 6 and most of their clan of 7 went at it in the late afternoon sun, picking until we could pic no more.

This is one of the treasures of this life. The unexpected call "the temperatures supposed to drop to -5 tonight so please come and save as much of this fruit as you can!". We, rosy cheeked with wind tousled hair, happily obliged. The children helping until the urge to throw the rotten "bombs" at the wood pile over powers the urge to help with the harvest. Giggles, barking dogs, neighing horses (happy to be tossed the occasional plum), hollered conversation from one tree to the next..."I had a great name for a construction company that kinda works with this...Dead Plumb" laughter and then more laughter at the silliness of us.

Bliss I tell you. Bliss.

We returned home happy. Chilled fingers wrapped around steaming mugs of ginger tea and coffee. Eyes gazing at the pile of boxes. The bounty of the harvest. The nearly excessive bounty.

So what do we do with all these plums? We rolled up our sleves, got out our boxes of jars, handed out knives and cutting boards and 2 days later : 26L jars of halved plums, canned. 16 jars of ridiculously yummy jam. 5 jars of tangy plum sauce. 3 dehydrator loads of dried fruit. 10 bags of frozen plums, pitted/halved and awaiting a moment when making jam doesn't seem quite so... well...overly plummy.

Feelin' good I tell you!

Friday, October 9, 2009

~So goose-pimply profound~

I've been going through some intense transitions with all this moving. A huge part of that has been really understanding that our adoption is at least a year if not 2 away (or more). I have been shifting from being future focused (when we sell our house.../when we move.../when we adopt...) to being present focused (right now we can bike/craft/play/study/make music/dance/be part of our community/put down roots/home school passionately) Its a major shift for me because for so long it has been the other way. For so long we worked on our home and put our energy towards our vision of the future while manifesting the now. Now we are renting. Now there is no house that requires all of our time and money. Now we have time...

So, the point of the story...so goose-pimply profound.

When I was in Vancouver at the Birthing from Within Workshop I got the stomach flu (on the last day). My mind was full and whirling with thoughts of our children, our new home, the now, teaching birth classes/doing doula work. I was thinking so much about the transitions I was experiencing as a mother. How I would not be a pregnant women again. That my baby would wean himself with in the next year or so and that I wouldn't nurse again until we adopt. I was NOT focused on thoughts of Ethiopia, our children, adoption. (well, not obsessively anyway...it might have come up once or twice ☺) Partially consciously and then unconsciously.

On my last night in Vancouver I was feeling really trapped. The little basement suite that I was staying in was stuffy and musty so I decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air (this was before I realized that I had the stomach flu). So I'm walking...down the busy city streets...all the sounds, all the smells, and I realize that I haven't been looking at anything...just the ground. So I start looking in the Windows of the shops as I pass. After a while I realize that I've only looked to my left and that there's a whole other side to the street so my gaze crosses the road.....and settles directly on and Ethiopian restaurant!! I stop dead in my tracks. process...do I go in? do I order something and take it back? do I continue to stand here staring like a crazy women? I was so sick, so overwhelmed with being away from my family...I was not prepared to be brought into this very intense head space...my heart is hammering like crazy because, didn't I just decide that I was going to live in the now?? So, I choose to keep walking. Shake my head a few times...take a few deep breathes....keep walking. Live in the now...let go of something that is, at this point, so very far away.
Ahead I see I beautiful mural painted on the side of a building....full of color, bursting with life energy in the middle of the sketchy east side. An Oasis...light in a very dark place.

I decide that I'm going to go check it out before I head back. So I do. I stop and let the beauty of it fill me. I'm feeling inspired. Feeling purpose full. As my eyes dance across the vast piece of magic a glint of brass catches, attracts me. I step closer, realizing that it is a plac describing what the mural is about.

I step closer still, read the words.

I see the word Orphan....

My lungs seem to have forgotten how to breathe. I gasp and it comes out as a choking sob. I break down. There on a street corner in busy downtown Vancouver I fall apart. Completely.

Maybe it was because I was so sick. Maybe it was because I missed my family so much and felt so oddly separated form my life. But this? this brought me right back to the center of this dream...this vision that I have had since I was tiny, that has been a huge focus for so many moons.

Here, away from everything that is familiar to me, I heard our children. I saw them dance across my vision. I felt them so intensely that I thought I might explode. I felt our family. The whole, the complete, the joy and pain of all of our facets that make us US. The threads that create our tapestry....the words that create our story. The punctuation.

Remember to breathe.....

Eventually my feet start moving again. The tears keep rolling. I take a back street until my face begins to resemble something reminiscent of normal.

I return to the wee basement suite. I continue on with being sick...my mind whirling in a whole new way (or old way, depending on your perspective) Somehow, the next day, I make it home. driving 5 hours solo with the stomach flu: not recommended!

So here I am now. 2 weeks later. Processing my trip, the workshop (which was amazing in many ways). Realizing that being away from my family is not something I'm willing to do again. (Its just not worth it to me....and worthy of a whole separate post!)

I am understanding that there is no "back shelf" in my mind that I can place my passion for Ethiopia and our children on. No "back burner" that would ever be sufficient to simmer this while I focus on other things. I have come to understand that this is so much a part of me that I need to have it as part of my life, even if we don't adopt for 5 years...or 10 years....or 6 months! That time frame is something I need to surrender, the control over that....surrender the need to control. I need to embrace my faith that when the time is right, when we are ready, when our children are ready it WILL happen.

wow....not what I was expecting to get out of that weekend!! And somehow all the whirling that has been going on in my mind since we began our move seems to be no more then a breeze. A breeze that touches my cheek and reminds me of who I am...no matter where we live.

I am so very thankful.

(this is the mural, although when I saw it it was cradled in the dark of night)

Friday, September 25, 2009

Melodious Moon

Tonight I sing a lullaby while looking up at the crescent moon.  A gentle lullaby of gratitude, of awe and wonder.

Rebecca, in whom I have found a soul sister....a kindred spirit, has been gifted.  The sweet package came with delicious chocolate eyes, little fists and a feminine spirit.  This sweet one came to change her life forever.  

And now there is a somehow familiar love to nurture...like you always knew her but yet still so shocking... amazing and real...tangible.   You can see her.  Trace the lines of her image with your fingers.  Send her this deep and overflowing love that is big enough to cross miles...she will feel you even now, as you feel her. 

And soon, so soon, your daughter will be with you....to cradle, to snuggle, to empower.

Congratulations Rebecca and Colin!!   

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

~This little Hamlet of Lovliness~

I'm still here!! really!

Its funny to me how we forget how HARD moving is...It must be one of those magical blessings from the universe because if we remembered would we really choose to do it again?? hmmmm...

So, to update you all, we are now residents of a beautiful, quaint village of a mere 800 or so folks. Lovely, artsy, enchanting and only a few minutes from a large town that has everything we could need right there. No more travelling 2 hours to go shopping!! yay! And the drive?? A whimsical winding road through orchards and rolling vineyards, past stunning winery's and loved homes along the beautiful with a background of mountains and rugged clay cliffs...so much contrast..stunning! Our home is within walking distance of the general store, cafe, library, park, beach, bmx track. My hubby bikes to work which is 5 minutes away. Bliss I tell you. Every day I am grateful that we made the choice to move back here. It has been an awesome homecoming in so many ways. Everything is echoing with "this was the right decision".

Yesterday the kids started dance and marshal arts. I went to a home learnin' mama's meeting to find out whats going on in the area and get involved. The kids are thrilled to have such a great community of families...so many potential new friends and a few dear friends from years ago.
We are living in that odd place of boxes, laundry and life...to busy living life to unpack the boxes. So if you are one of my dear pals from afar and you come to visit this autumn be prepared...one day I'll hang the art and organize shelves, but today it is hot and glorious, the kids want to go for a swim and I am half way through Eclipse....(blush... I can't help it...Twilight is addictive!!)

Speaking of which, I should really go make lunch before my kitchen turns into an oven and I'm tempted to put on the air conditioner!! I think it will take a while to acclimatize...we've become chilly northern folk! lol

I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful September!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

~Wordless Wednesday~ (okay...not wordless...but I like the title!)

Some of the amazing women that I am so blessed to have in my life

My dear friend Kim and I

Trish, me, Shayna and Danelle

Anna, Kerri and I...some of my fab fellow belly dancers

My dear friend Arwen and I.

Sweet Candace and I...

Courtenay and I

(okay, I promis to do a real post soon...with words and everything! For now, amidst the chaos, I can offer you a glimps of some sweet farewells. Moving is....moving.)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

~Wordless Wednseday~ (almost☺)

My last performance with the Baladi Babes, August 8th, 2009. I'm going to miss you girls!! Wish I could pack you up and take you with me!

Monday, August 3, 2009

~this path~

As time progress we find ourselves on a different path then we started. Somewhere along the way we veered..maybe toward something sweet...or dark and mysterious...at any rate when I look around now I find myself in a place I've never been that is still, somehow familiar.

I am a strong believer in our abilities to manifest our dreams...faith in that...no matter which path we walk down...is what gives me courage to take steps off the beaten path. It gives me strength to forage our own path even when those around us declare us insane for our methods. As the years pass I see so clearly how our faith and optimism has led us, time and time again, to where we need to be....closer to our vision...closer to our dream. But it is the dream...the destination that is so clear to me....the HOW...not so much. And this is where surrender comes in. When things are going on in my life that I don't understand or that seem to nearly break me I hold on to my faith that at the other side of the experience things will become clear. Its the whole, hindsight is 20/20 thing....looking back I can see the reasons for experiences that, at the time, seemed completely disconnected.

Nothing is disconnected. This is something I believe in the very core of my being. We really are all connected...everything...literally. It's the whole circle of life thing...action /reaction...prayer/ answer...karma...the law of attraction. What we put out really does come back to us. When we pray...whether to God, the Universe, the Creator (so many names..but I believe the are all the same)...our answers are rarely what we expect..but always what we need.

The visions I have of our future are so clear I could reach out and touch them. I see our home (a place Adam and I both dreamt about when we first met...the same night!) I see our children...the ones that have yet to join our family...I smell them, know them by heart even though I'm quite sure they haven't even been born yet. I see myself...the lines around my eyes, the grey of my hair...a knowing, gentle expression that comes from things I have yet to experience.

I see it all so clearly that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will be there. I have complete faith that the HOW will happen in the way that it is meant to...the way I don't understand...the way I sometimes fear (there is loss on that path, this much I know). I let go of the need to understand the HOW....we are the WHY...love and life are the Why...the HOW is unknown.

And this is where I surrender. This is where I find freedom. When our actions are out of love...with truth, respect and compassion in mind, they will bring to us love, truth, respect and compassion. These things are so key to fulfillment for me. My life is empty without them and when I embrace them I feel the distance between us and our dreams lessen....or maybe it is that I realise that this IS the dream. Living life this way...focused on the positive, cradling the negative with understanding (or striving too at least)...moving forward with faith and vision.

When Imagine Adoption closed its doors to Canadian families I was stunned. I looked at my contract..still sitting beside my computer, where it has been for almost a year, and said a quite prayer of thanks. You see, I have been holding that contract, reading it and re-reading it, wondering when the moment would come to send it away...to start the process on paper. I have had moments of deep frustration with the way things were flowing in our lives. Asking Why!?! when this love is so huge and true, when my heart is so open, why are things not flowing?? Eventually I embraced patience. I embraced the understanding that things happen for a reason and that the reason is not always clear to us. I wrapped myself in the faith that I KNOW that one day we will be in Ethiopia welcoming our children into our arms, our hearts. Embracing the change and gift that all of that will mean for our family. And I found comfort. And I let go.

When Imagine closed its doors something became so abundantly clear to me. Right now, with moving, with my Dad's illness and all that comes with it, I really don't think that I would have the strength to handle going through what all of those families are going through. I don't know that I would be able to fight the fight......I don't know...maybe I would, but really, I question my strength.

I am washed with a cosmic comfort...really!! When you understand that all the while you have been wondering why....questions, frustrated, angry at times....really you were being gifted with a deeper understanding of yourself then you could ever imagine.


I sent away for a package from the other Canadian agency that handles Ethiopian adoptions. They told me they would send me a package but suggested that I look at another country...maybe Haiti. Maybe in their eyes Ethiopia has become too controversial...to sketchy. It doesn't matter to me though. When we are ready to start I KNOW our children will be in Ethiopia and that whatever means we need to bring them home will be there...when its time. And for now I will wrap myself in the blanket that is my faith and I will continue to joyously put one foot in font of the other as I walk this unknown path, home.

Friday, July 31, 2009

~your opinion please~

At the end of August we are going camping with a whole shwack of families from the "little hamlet of loveliness"

...exciting? yes.

inspiring? yes.

do we all fit in our little 3 man tent? no.

do we need gear? yes....everything from cook stoves/coolers/stuff.......

So for all you camping folks out there: What is your favorite, must have camping item?

It has been years since we last tented it.....hmmm....pre-kids?? (I know, I know....but seriously...4 kids+moving+renovations+homeschooling=VERY busy!!) We are determined to be fully outfitted so that we can make camping a regular event...at least a few times a year. I find it kinda odd that we haven't been in so lone...Adam and I both LOVE camping/ kayaking/ canoeing/ hiking.

First on the list: a tent that will endure weather/many ups&downs/ruff and tumble kiddo's and big enough for our growing family (8 person)

my thought: Big Agnes Flying Diamond 8 Tent

a bit more $ but it seems super durable and I can order it the Mountain Equipment Co-op.

hmmm...okay outdoorsy folks...I need your expertise!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

like a balm of ~ ((sigh))

I am experiencing all manner of emotion right now........(there's a word for that, but I don't seem to know it) mostly I feel light...like a warm glow...like a balm of ((sigh))...release...relief....

We just accepted an offer on our house!!!!!!!

Only waiting for the removal of a few "subject too's" and we will be officially SOLD!


We have been in limbo for almost a year after doing an insane renovation for 2 years...it is time. We will move by the end of August...back to this little hamlet of loveliness.

And just in time for the beginning of the new "school" year! It perfect......we just need to find our new house☺

The key here is not to hold my breath between now and the subject removal date....

(here are a few pic's from our recent trip to the big city)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


how does one get through this...how do I??
tears roll down my cheeks as my husband reaches out to touch me...sooth me....
his presence invites me to spill.
I am open here in a way I don't understand.
I am angry.
I want to help but my hands, tied behind my back, do little that I can see.

when I call..his voice every day seems farther...or closer....like I could reach out and touch him...but the miles stack up like odds against me and I fear them.
I fear their ability to hold me captive like some random psycho bank robber holding me on the other side of a panel of glass.

and then, from somewhere within me comes the cold....the sniffling cold that tells me the miles aren't the only odds I have to dance with. Patience of a new sort is being tested in me as I bath in oil of oregano...pleading for this to go away so that I can traverse the hills and valleys just to say
"I love you"
"your not alone....see?? I am here....here to do nothing more then be..."

be what??

i don't know

be your daughter....and you my father...everything else can fall away...the pain...the cancer...the chemo...years...money...time...miles.....it all means nothing

but I love you...that means something.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

~laughter is the best medicine~ *re-post from Jan 18*

*I had to re-post this this morning...I am sick but smiling. A combination that I get to revisit from time to time (fortunatly not breast infectin this time☺)*

He says I look beautiful.

Maybe its the sweaty, tousled hair, the rosy cheeks and shinning eyes.
Maybe its the vulnerability that illness brings.

He says I look sexy.

I smile.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my sweaty forehead.
I laugh, hope he doesn't breathe in to deeply.
Sweat gives off more then a shinning glow you know.

He says laughter is medicine.

He's right.
He is my Patch Adams and I already feel better.
Sure my breast is still inflamed, my feverish body is still exhausted, my head is pounding with an evil migraine that somehow always accompanies mastitis in my world.
But I am smiling.
My heart is whole and I feel lifted by what he gives me. I can feel my body relaxing and I KNOW that if I can truly relax my body WILL heal.

He comes up beside me munching an apple.
"I know this sound cheesy" he says "but, I really do eat an apple a day."
Did I mention that he NEVER gets sick?

"Just wondering....do you?"
I smile as the sun reflects on his juice splattered lips while he chews, grinning.
No....maybe an apple a week. What is this, hubby's right about everything day??

It is gloriously bright this morning.
I am smiling, as I reach for an apple.

Friday, July 17, 2009

~taking action~

*update at the bottom of the page*

Loss is powerful. It seems to have a butterfly effect...touching so many more then just those directly involved.

All week I have been reading about Imagine adoption's bankruptcy. I have read countless blogs, families who are of the 500 clients who have been thrown into a sea of chaos and uncertainty. Families who have put their hearts and souls into the adoption process...their children...their future. Who have spent thousands of dollars and even more hours waiting for their referrals, waiting to pass court, waiting to travel and pick up their children.

We had planned to go through Imagine when we begin the process of adopting our future children. This is one of the rare moments when I am thankful that we haven't begun yet.

I have also spent the week writing letters, signing petitions....praying.

Taking a pro-active approach is so important. Please write your MLA, your MP, the Minister of Immigration and Deb Matthews, the Ontario Minister for Children and Families. Here is a copy of the letter I sent. Feel free to cut and paste portions or all of it.

I am writing to you from my home in the south Cariboo, and I am urgently requesting your support with respect to the dozens upon dozens of families currently in turmoil (financially and emotionally) due to the recent bankruptcy filing of Imagine Adoptions.

I am writing as a mother of 4 who had planned to begin our Ethiopian Adoption through Imagine in the next year. I know there are families who have “passed court” and were awaiting travel notice to pick up their children… and who’ve now been told their children are in limbo, in Canadian transition homes in Addis Ababa wherein their financial accounts have been frozen and they may not be fed or taken care of to the standard of care they deserve. I know of a local (Okanagan)family in which the mother-to-be is now en route to her daughters in Addis Ababa to make sure they are cared for until the fiasco can be sorted out and the citizenship papers finalized. Meanwhile, her husband and father-to-be remains at home trying to provide the financial means to bring this adoption to a close… all the while worrying about his wife being a single mother in a foreign, third-world country. Also many families who have invested thousands of dollars and are in the process of waiting for their referral. This is heartbreaking for these families. International adoption tests our patience and will at the best of times. But there is a huge need here...143,000,000 orphans world wide. These families have gone through the struggles, emotional ups and downs...and now this.

I am urging you to please help expedite the citizenship legalities so these families can bring their beautiful children home. And for the families who never got to the “court” stage, I am urging financial help. They have invested tens of thousands of dollars, and years, into their dreams of building a family, and are now empty-armed.

Also, please take the time to read through this petition and sign it if you support it.

Here is a link to my friend Justine's blog. She has written in great detail about what is going on.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

♥~ode to D~♥

oh sweet little D, how I love you so!!

D is my nephew. He captured my heart when my sister called and said "guess what? In 2 hours there will be a 6 week old baby living in my house!!"

"really?!!" I squeal...tears start and I don't even know anything about him yet. It doesn't matter because I love him already. We go on a mad dash to prep her very un-ready house for baby. I call a friend (hugs) who has a bunch of baby stuff in storage and she totally outfits my sis with all the goodies one could possibly need for a baby. We load it in my truck and I drive it on up. I open the door and officially melt into a pool of "I love D" mush on the floor. I wonder if I put him down at all during that visit?? Oh, I must have because I had my sweet ball of baby Noah who was only 1 at the time. Anyway....

He is my chocolate kiss. My smiling bliss. I can't imagine him not being my nephew.

When I started think about this post I was feeling kinda guilty that I haven't written about my other nieces and nephews yet. I have 2 nieces, and 5 nephews...all of whom I adore and love in a big, huge...auntie-jenns-the-next-best-thing-to-mama kinda way. All of whom deserve there own posts, which I will write at some point when the urge is overwhelming.

like now, for instance:

Yesterday my sis dropped of her 5 littlest ones while she took B, my oldest nephew (who's officially taller then me [5'9"] and only 12!!) to his first summer camp.

The older kids went and played outside, 2 year old M had a nap and D and I spent some time chillin' just the 2 of us. (a rare and precious moment)

I love him....he's so yummy I could just gobble him up....

D helping with the recycling...he sorted everything nicely into the toy basket but absolutely had to turn this one, uncrushed box into his super-D helmet!

oh dear, I've been busted

so fun being chased by Auntie
must continue the amazing cuteness and climb onto the table
oh, so much love!!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

~♥ celebrating big, big love ♥~

moments before the birth of Willow

10 years.....a decade....4 children.....3 towns

more love the most people experience is a life time

pure and complete LOVE

(our song)

Friday, July 10, 2009

~I'm listening for birds~

Hearts bend ‘cause they can’t break
When they can’t take
All that is given to them

Glass eyes on your sad face
It’s a sad story
somebody’s written on you

Love in my heart,
right from the start
So please take me with you

Birds sing out the window
Sing out the window
Do you hear those birds
sing out the window
Sing out the window

Take me with your shovel
We’ll burry all your troubles
All your troubles

Oh the light is always on you
Always in the light
~Shovel by Katie Herzig

Today my dad called. He got the results...
not operable...

I am listening for the birds...♪♫♪♪♫