Thursday, January 21, 2010

um, so much for that idea☺

Considering that we are only part way through January, I think it is safe to assume that my goal of 365 pic's for 2010 is...well....not as much of a priority as I thought.

Don't get me wrong, photography is something I LOVE and look forward to doing more as I learn more about this new camera BUT.....well, busy-ness abounds in ways that fill me so...inspired and all that great stuff. I'm bursting at the seams with creative love...unfortunately not with camera in hand.

Last week I was sooo blessed to attend the birth of a very dear friend of mine. It was a stunningly beautiful experience. Transformational. Propelling. I realized how ready I am to be doing this. How destined I am to be doing this.

I have been studying, working towards my goal of spiritual midwife for well over a decade, and this was the first opportunity I have had where I was able to attend a birth other then my own! Our children are all of an age where I feel comfortable leaving them for the night. Noah, while he still nurses, can easily go a day without it. Everything lined up so perfectly. Even the 2 attending midwives, one a dear friend from high school, the other her partner. Working with them was amazing!

When they asked if I would be doing more Doula work I replied that no, at this time my life is so full with tending to my family and my Dad I just don't have the time.

Then I went home. I basked in the glow of that birth experience. I spent time with my dear friend and her family before they returned home. (they traveled 4 hours to have a home birth with midwives) I spent so much time thinking and through all of that I realized that I am more ready for this then I thought! Birth and motherhood are my deepest callings and fulfilling that feeds a part of me the way that nothing else can.

And so I embark on this journey. The Spiritual Doula embracing this connection.

Another friend asked me, only days later, if I could attend her birth as well. Her due time is early/mid February. She is a strong, beautiful women and I look forward to supporting her and her partner in what ever way they need.

The image tattooed on my back comes from the book Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. That book was a catalyst for me....propelling me down a path that has been more stunning then I ever would have imagined.

Such wonderful moments make Gestating Elephant Style a whole lot easier!

Monday, January 11, 2010

~the coin jar ~

having had all sorts of activity filling my moments this weekend (you're shocked, I know) I do admit I have fallen behind in my photo-a-day plan. but in the spirit of understanding I leap ahead to pic 11 (I'll post a few to compensate)

laying in bed the other night, sleep drawing near but not quite there, I had a brain wave...and epiphany so to speak. as per usual our adoption was dominating my head space....babies, travel, adjustment, taking the kids to ballet ...all 6 of them! what kind of jogging stroller I dream of getting :assuming that our kids will either be infant twins or sibling: one being an infant the other around the 3 yr.old mark and I will be needing a new one. I dream about snuggling our new children. connecting with them. inhaling the scent that is uniquely there own. caressing their chocolate skin and whispering I loves yous........

my thoughts wind their way in and out, around and around, finding their way back to traveling. my stomach gets a bit twisty because, honestly, the thought of leaving my kids for 2 weeks any age, is enough to make me sick!! How, I wonder, can we do this?? It is so important to Adam and I that we both travel, so one of us staying home isn't an option. The reality is we need to go together, as a family.

Its the way we do things. we shop together, we play together, we eat all our meals together. when we have a baby we labor together, we birth together, we bond together. why would this be any different?!! This adoption is something the WE are doing, not something that Adam and I are doing. Our next children are, in every way, already a part of this family! (okay, not legally, and they might not even be born yet, but you know what I mean!)

so it's settled, in my mind anyway... at midnight while the rest of the house sleeps. I have decided that We are ALL going to Ethiopia! (little happy dance in bed...I can hear the trumpets sound, lol)

did I mention that we have 4 kids already??...that we will be coming home as a family of 8?? flights to and from Ethiopia are expensive and, with the cost of the adoption and us being far from wealthy, there is no way we can just make those kinds of funds appear. hmmmmmmmmmm,

and that's when it hit me...the epiphany.

the coin jar!!

change is magic!! (go as deep as you want with that one!)

tossed into a jar daily, change can add up in shocking numbers in a short amount of time. with our adoption being a ways away we could acquire the money for our kids flights!! its totally possible....and painless!!

and so begins the era of the change jar...the kids are soooooo excited! The have each contributed to the jar (fists full of change nabbed from their piggy banks and placed, one coin at a time into the sacred "giant piggy bank" as Noah calls it) its become a fun game to search for lost change and toss it in. ( the "jar" is actually a 5 gallon water jug...we have lots of $$ to raise☺)
I've got to say, I'm feeling pretty darned pro-active!

the jug pretty!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fricken Fantastic Friday (or pic # 8)

As I said, yesterday was a challenge. Actually, it was the peak moment of a building struggle that has been reappearing over the last few weeks. (after a few months of semi-dormancy) When my hubby got home from work I was about ready to burst.

I don't know why but when he asked me how I was I said. "my womb is empty" He looks at me kind of oddly and then smiles. Heads upstairs to have a shower. I follow, needing more conversation...needing to spill.

I say "how about a vasectomy reversal?" his head pops out of the shower, he laughs. Why I said that I don't know...maybe I just needed to express my deep need for our children...the womb being a metaphor for the big gaping space (shaped like 2 little sweeties) in my heart that can only be filled by them.

him:"um, I thought we had a whole other plan?"

me: "what exactly do you mean?" wondering if he was going to talk about recording music or buying our next house, or when we move again...

him: "I thought we were adding to our family through another route where we will grow in a whole new way."

I start to sob....heaving, tears splattering, nose dripping. why? because he's with me on this!! because we are on the same track. because, even though we haven't talked about adopting all that much over the last few months, we have not lost sight of what we want. because he is my deepest love and when I need him he is there for me in ways I don't even know I need...until he says those words, looks at me that way, and fills me up where I didn't even know I was empty.

he pokes his head out of the shower again: "this is good!"

me, still blubbering: "what?!?"

him: "this shows that your coming back to yourself!"

and after months of being ill, he's right!! I am!

affirmation has an amazingly powerful I am basking in it. in the glow of this big, big love♥

Thursday, January 7, 2010

pic number 7 (or the location of the rest of my heart)

Did I take this pic?

am I veering slightly from my pic plan?
I realize I have a need to post not just my pic's but pic's that represent where I'm at. If I could take a pic of my heart right now...well, maybe you wouldn't be sticking around to read the rest of my post.

today it is hard to be so far away from them...our babies. our children. To be so far away from the time when we can say "we are actually doing this!!"

tears....throat full of my heart.
not feeling so patient today....nope, not at all.
maybe I should sew. maybe that will help.
(the pic was nabbed from here )

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Of Beads, Yarn and Ink (or snapshot 6)

I wear a strand of bead most of the time these days. When I look at them I feel hope. I find joy, inspiration, light. I feel connected.

And the yarn...the bright red, deeply felted band of yarn on my left wrist? 6 other women share in this bond...our support and connection to a dear friend who is about to give birth to her second child. A wonderful tradition that was part of her Blessingway ceremony, connecting us to each other and reminding us to keep ever mindful of her as she travels along this path of motherhood. We will share them until her sweet baby is born.

and my ring? my one and only ring...a permanent reminder of the life long, soul mate, deep as the sea, big as the universe bond that I share with my husband. my gaze fall upon his hand to find it there as well. forever.

no better jewels could I wear.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

~pic numero 5~

Edens dragon...'cause I'm crafty like that:)

Monday, January 4, 2010

~our life in pictures~

As I lay in bed last night I realized something. I have gotten out of the habit of taking pictures. There was a time when I aspired to be a photographer. A time when I had in my possession a smoking 35 mm camera and some snazzy lenses. A time when I created art out of the seemingly mundane.

Years past, the camera was repossessed by its original owner. We took shots with a semi-crappy 35 mm (still some amazing shots) until along came the Kodak easy share.

Now we, being the frugal folks that we are, waited until 2007 to jump on the digital camera train. And, while the picture quality left a LOT to be desired, we were pleased by the convenience of deleting unwanted pictures and the lack of $$ it cost to simply download them by the hundreds. (again, we are a touch on the frugal side)

But life being what it has been, the last few years....the last few months more correctly, have been rather neglected by my photo snapping self.

Recently my Dad lent my his super skookum Canon Rebel XTi, complete with a variety of lenses.
Have I even attempted to figure out how to use it?

Do I really, really want to?

And so I begin a challenge that I have seen on a variety of fellow bloggers pages. The 365 day challenge. 1 photo a day for 1 year. (well, as close to that as possible...I'm still on the "be gentle with yourself" bent...taking it easy)

Granted that we are already a few days into January....(I don't actually know the date...just a sec).........
4 days to be exact.

So I will begin with an offering of 4 recently taken photos (taken on the Kodak easy share z612) and the ambition to capture as many images as possible over the next while. (on the snazzy Canon Rebel XTi) Luckily I have some wonderful subjects!

Alden and his new doll (made by mama) Akimbo

Willow and Noah

Noah, rocking the kit

Eden, gingerbread sculptor

anyone else into have a challenge on the go??