~dream a little dream of you~

I dreamt that we got "the call" the other night.  

our worker said "I have your referral for you" 

my breathe caught, all I could manage was a pathetic "yes?"  

"well," she said. "they are 9 year old twin girls!"

~I miss you...but I haven't met you yet~

a melody for you all....I love Bjork. She's one of those artist that I've been listening to since I was 15 and still love.

Anyway..whilst sitting here, thinking of my longings and patience...thinking about the miles and moments that separate us from our future children, this song popped into my head.

So appropriate doncha think??

I had a heck of a time finding the original version...so we'll have to settle for a remix with some questionable rap...but you get the idea((sigh))





I MISS YOU by Bjork

I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I, I will meet you
I was peaking

But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I miss you

I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting
I miss you

~seeing (RED)~ (or the greatest treasure)

Today I ventured forth into the wide world, solo.
That's right. Solo.
As in, no kids, no hubby, no dog.
Just me.
Now in order to truly understand the scope of this you would have to know me fairly well....well enough to understand that I don't generally EVER go out alone. I am family loving mama who, for the most part, just wants to be with my crew. I lived the first 20 years-ish of my life running solo and have got to say that since having my children, lovin my hubby life has NEVER been so good. That said I do realize that it important to fuel this mama machine that I am. Feed it that life giving, soul connection of self...in however small a serving.

Today's serving...a lovely day in K-town...big city 1 hour north...with my dear pal Tricia. Tricia also being mama to 4 bits of magic...both of us in need of some thrift shopping therapy.

One of the things I love most about thrift shopping is the treasure hunt. Digging through racks of weird and wonderful in search of that perfect item that screams "pick me!!" and I eagerly answer "YES!".

I passionately love thriftin' it up. To me new clothing is simply unnecessary (unless of course you scour the racks of numerous thrift shops and STILL cannot find a pair of pants...which happens....or you find some great piece on etsy☺) ANYWay...back to my train of thought. so, yes...I am a hard core thrift shopper...it is always my first choice and to me each find is bliss encarnate...really. I'm that silly:)

SO off T and I go, happily chatting as I drive down the highway on this rare sunny day (after weeks of cloud cover...ugh!) we pull into the parking lot of VV and practically skip to the door (she's hardcore like that, too) We shop side by side for a while and then split off down our various aisles to see what might be seen. This moment was sooooooooooo peaceful to me. No kids asking me to buy them a million plastic toys (which we are, apparently lacking...what about all are super cool wood stuff guys?) Eventually they get lost in the book section, supervised by hubby and I..tag teaming for a venture into the shop. And then there's hubby...my darling Adam, who, as much as he won't pay more the maybe $8 for pants, is ready to go before I've even made it through 1 section. ((sigh)) so this rare gem of an opportunity was something to be treasured indeed.

I love where my mind goes during these times. When I can actually finish a though and follow it through to the next (novel, I know!) And can you guess where my thoughts lead? every.single.one. of them?

Ethiopia. Adoption. AIDS. Our children. Their children. Mama's. not enough mama's...

I think to myself...the way things have been flowing lately I wonder if some odd, goose pimply magical thing will happen today. One of those things that affirms that you are on the right path. Maybe I'll find one of those cool Hearts for Ethiopia Shirts?? hahaha...that WOULD be magic.

but I know magic...I know that it happens to us when we need it. I know that it brings us to a place where we can learn and grow in the direction we need. I know that it brings a sense of reverence. of wonder. of grace.

oh, yes. I've met magic before.

so on I shop. loading my cart with shelves for my sewing center, clothes for Adam, clothes for me....I'm perusing the t shirt section when what do you suppose I find?? seriously....can you guess?????

♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥

this: an olive colored t with the word TREASU(RED) . you all know what that means right? that means that I had to use every single ounce of self control I have not to burst into heaving sobs right there in the middle of Value Village. I stood there, laughed out loud....looked around to see if anyone had spotted my insanity (nope) and took many deep, slow breaths trying to get my shit together. (yes I said shit...but really...you should have seen me!!) I find T and spill the beans..actually tear up as I tell her...in the books section by the change rooms...I exclaim that magic has found me once again and I am shaking like a leaf because ...well.....shizza...maybe you have to be adopting to understand...maybe you have to be sooo in love with a place and its people that you can barely breath sometimes...or maybe you can just feel this as I exude how much this simple little moment...this worn t-shirt in a thrift shop, means to me.

little steps along the way...little affirmations.....little bits of Grace.

I wonder if a t-shirt of mine will ever be so treasu(red) ?

have a very, very red day tomorrow!!! soooooo much love!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

~the coin jar ~

having had all sorts of activity filling my moments this weekend (you're shocked, I know) I do admit I have fallen behind in my photo-a-day plan. but in the spirit of understanding I leap ahead to pic 11 (I'll post a few to compensate)

laying in bed the other night, sleep drawing near but not quite there, I had a brain wave...and epiphany so to speak. as per usual our adoption was dominating my head space....babies, travel, adjustment, taking the kids to ballet ...all 6 of them! what kind of jogging stroller I dream of getting :assuming that our kids will either be infant twins or sibling: one being an infant the other around the 3 yr.old mark and I will be needing a new one. I dream about snuggling our new children. connecting with them. inhaling the scent that is uniquely there own. caressing their chocolate skin and whispering I loves yous........

my thoughts wind their way in and out, around and around, finding their way back to traveling. my stomach gets a bit twisty because, honestly, the thought of leaving my kids for 2 weeks ...at any age, is enough to make me sick!! How, I wonder, can we do this?? It is so important to Adam and I that we both travel, so one of us staying home isn't an option. The reality is we need to go together, as a family.

Its the way we do things. we shop together, we play together, we eat all our meals together. when we have a baby we labor together, we birth together, we bond together. why would this be any different?!! This adoption is something the WE are doing, not something that Adam and I are doing. Our next children are, in every way, already a part of this family! (okay, not legally, and they might not even be born yet, but you know what I mean!)

so it's settled, in my mind anyway... at midnight while the rest of the house sleeps. I have decided that We are ALL going to Ethiopia! (little happy dance in bed...I can hear the trumpets sound, lol)

did I mention that we have 4 kids already??...that we will be coming home as a family of 8?? flights to and from Ethiopia are expensive and, with the cost of the adoption and us being far from wealthy, there is no way we can just make those kinds of funds appear. hmmmmmmmmmm,

and that's when it hit me...the epiphany.

the coin jar!!

change is magic!! (go as deep as you want with that one!)

tossed into a jar daily, change can add up in shocking numbers in a short amount of time. with our adoption being a ways away we could acquire the money for our kids flights!! its totally possible....and painless!!

and so begins the era of the change jar...the kids are soooooo excited! The have each contributed to the jar (fists full of change nabbed from their piggy banks and placed, one coin at a time into the sacred "giant piggy bank" as Noah calls it) its become a fun game to search for lost change and toss it in. ( the "jar" is actually a 5 gallon water jug...we have lots of $$ to raise☺)

I've got to say, I'm feeling pretty darned pro-active!

the jug cover...so pretty!!

Fricken Fantastic Friday (or pic # 8)

As I said, yesterday was a challenge. Actually, it was the peak moment of a building struggle that has been reappearing over the last few weeks. (after a few months of semi-dormancy) When my hubby got home from work I was about ready to burst.

I don't know why but when he asked me how I was I said. "my womb is empty" He looks at me kind of oddly and then smiles. Heads upstairs to have a shower. I follow, needing more conversation...needing to spill.

I say "how about a vasectomy reversal?" his head pops out of the shower, he laughs. Why I said that I don't know...maybe I just needed to express my deep need for our children...the womb being a metaphor for the big gaping space (shaped like 2 little sweeties) in my heart that can only be filled by them.

him:"um, I thought we had a whole other plan?"

me: "what exactly do you mean?" wondering if he was going to talk about recording music or buying our next house, or when we move again...

him: "I thought we were adding to our family through another route where we will grow in a whole new way."

I start to sob....heaving, tears splattering, nose dripping. why? because he's with me on this!! because we are on the same track. because, even though we haven't talked about adopting all that much over the last few months, we have not lost sight of what we want. because he is my deepest love and when I need him he is there for me in ways I don't even know I need...until he says those words, looks at me that way, and fills me up where I didn't even know I was empty.

he pokes his head out of the shower again: "this is good!"

me, still blubbering: "what?!?"

him: "this shows that your coming back to yourself!"

and after months of being ill, he's right!! I am!

affirmation has an amazingly powerful effect....today I am basking in it. in the glow of this big, big love♥

pic number 7 (or the location of the rest of my heart)

Did I take this pic?

no.

am I veering slightly from my pic plan?

yes.

I realize I have a need to post not just my pic's but pic's that represent where I'm at. If I could take a pic of my heart right now...well, maybe you wouldn't be sticking around to read the rest of my post.

today it is hard to be so far away from them...our babies. our children. To be so far away from the time when we can say "we are actually doing this!!"

tears....throat full of my heart.

not feeling so patient today....nope, not at all.

maybe I should sew. maybe that will help.

(the pic was nabbed from here )

~So goose-pimply profound~

I've been going through some intense transitions with all this moving. A huge part of that has been really understanding that our adoption is at least a year if not 2 away (or more). I have been shifting from being future focused (when we sell our house.../when we move.../when we adopt...) to being present focused (right now we can bike/craft/play/study/make music/dance/be part of our community/put down roots/home school passionately) Its a major shift for me because for so long it has been the other way. For so long we worked on our home and put our energy towards our vision of the future while manifesting the now. Now we are renting. Now there is no house that requires all of our time and money. Now we have time...

So, the point of the story...so goose-pimply profound.

When I was in Vancouver at the Birthing from Within Workshop I got the stomach flu (on the last day). My mind was full and whirling with thoughts of our children, our new home, the now, teaching birth classes/doing doula work. I was thinking so much about the transitions I was experiencing as a mother. How I would not be a pregnant women again. That my baby would wean himself with in the next year or so and that I wouldn't nurse again until we adopt. I was NOT focused on thoughts of Ethiopia, our children, adoption. (well, not obsessively anyway...it might have come up once or twice ☺) Partially consciously and then unconsciously.

On my last night in Vancouver I was feeling really trapped. The little basement suite that I was staying in was stuffy and musty so I decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air (this was before I realized that I had the stomach flu). So I'm walking...down the busy city streets...all the sounds, all the smells, and I realize that I haven't been looking at anything...just the ground. So I start looking in the Windows of the shops as I pass. After a while I realize that I've only looked to my left and that there's a whole other side to the street so my gaze crosses the road.....and settles directly on and Ethiopian restaurant!! I stop dead in my tracks. process...do I go in? do I order something and take it back? do I continue to stand here staring like a crazy women? I was so sick, so overwhelmed with being away from my family...I was not prepared to be brought into this very intense head space...my heart is hammering like crazy because, didn't I just decide that I was going to live in the now?? So, I choose to keep walking. Shake my head a few times...take a few deep breathes....keep walking. Live in the now...let go of something that is, at this point, so very far away.

Ahead I see I beautiful mural painted on the side of a building....full of color, bursting with life energy in the middle of the sketchy east side. An Oasis...light in a very dark place.

I decide that I'm going to go check it out before I head back. So I do. I stop and let the beauty of it fill me. I'm feeling inspired. Feeling purpose full. As my eyes dance across the vast piece of magic a glint of brass catches, attracts me. I step closer, realizing that it is a plac describing what the mural is about.

I step closer still, read the words.

I see the word Orphan....

My lungs seem to have forgotten how to breathe. I gasp and it comes out as a choking sob. I break down. There on a street corner in busy downtown Vancouver I fall apart. Completely.

Maybe it was because I was so sick. Maybe it was because I missed my family so much and felt so oddly separated form my life. But this? this brought me right back to the center of this dream...this vision that I have had since I was tiny, that has been a huge focus for so many moons.

Here, away from everything that is familiar to me, I heard our children. I saw them dance across my vision. I felt them so intensely that I thought I might explode. I felt our family. The whole, the complete, the joy and pain of all of our facets that make us US. The threads that create our tapestry....the words that create our story. The punctuation.

Remember to breathe.....

Eventually my feet start moving again. The tears keep rolling. I take a back street until my face begins to resemble something reminiscent of normal.

I return to the wee basement suite. I continue on with being sick...my mind whirling in a whole new way (or old way, depending on your perspective) Somehow, the next day, I make it home. driving 5 hours solo with the stomach flu: not recommended!

So here I am now. 2 weeks later. Processing my trip, the workshop (which was amazing in many ways). Realizing that being away from my family is not something I'm willing to do again. (Its just not worth it to me....and worthy of a whole separate post!)

I am understanding that there is no "back shelf" in my mind that I can place my passion for Ethiopia and our children on. No "back burner" that would ever be sufficient to simmer this while I focus on other things. I have come to understand that this is so much a part of me that I need to have it as part of my life, even if we don't adopt for 5 years...or 10 years....or 6 months! That time frame is something I need to surrender, the control over that....surrender the need to control. I need to embrace my faith that when the time is right, when we are ready, when our children are ready it WILL happen.

wow....not what I was expecting to get out of that weekend!! And somehow all the whirling that has been going on in my mind since we began our move seems to be no more then a breeze. A breeze that touches my cheek and reminds me of who I am...no matter where we live.

I am so very thankful.

(this is the mural, although when I saw it it was cradled in the dark of night)

Melodious Moon

Tonight I sing a lullaby while looking up at the crescent moon.  A gentle lullaby of gratitude, of awe and wonder.

Rebecca, in whom I have found a soul sister....a kindred spirit, has been gifted.  The sweet package came with delicious chocolate eyes, little fists and a feminine spirit.  This sweet one came to change her life forever.  

And now there is a somehow familiar love to nurture...like you always knew her but yet still so shocking... amazing and real...tangible.   You can see her.  Trace the lines of her image with your fingers.  Send her this deep and overflowing love that is big enough to cross miles...she will feel you even now, as you feel her. 

And soon, so soon, your daughter will be with you....to cradle, to snuggle, to empower.

Congratulations Rebecca and Colin!!   

~this path~

As time progress we find ourselves on a different path then we started. Somewhere along the way we veered..maybe toward something sweet...or dark and mysterious...at any rate when I look around now I find myself in a place I've never been that is still, somehow familiar.

I am a strong believer in our abilities to manifest our dreams...faith in that...no matter which path we walk down...is what gives me courage to take steps off the beaten path. It gives me strength to forage our own path even when those around us declare us insane for our methods. As the years pass I see so clearly how our faith and optimism has led us, time and time again, to where we need to be....closer to our vision...closer to our dream. But it is the dream...the destination that is so clear to me....the HOW...not so much. And this is where surrender comes in. When things are going on in my life that I don't understand or that seem to nearly break me I hold on to my faith that at the other side of the experience things will become clear. Its the whole, hindsight is 20/20 thing....looking back I can see the reasons for experiences that, at the time, seemed completely disconnected.

Nothing is disconnected. This is something I believe in the very core of my being. We really are all connected...everything...literally. It's the whole circle of life thing...action /reaction...prayer/ answer...karma...the law of attraction. What we put out really does come back to us. When we pray...whether to God, the Universe, the Creator (so many names..but I believe the are all the same)...our answers are rarely what we expect..but always what we need.

The visions I have of our future are so clear I could reach out and touch them. I see our home (a place Adam and I both dreamt about when we first met...the same night!) I see our children...the ones that have yet to join our family...I smell them, know them by heart even though I'm quite sure they haven't even been born yet. I see myself...the lines around my eyes, the grey of my hair...a knowing, gentle expression that comes from things I have yet to experience.

I see it all so clearly that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will be there. I have complete faith that the HOW will happen in the way that it is meant to...the way I don't understand...the way I sometimes fear (there is loss on that path, this much I know). I let go of the need to understand the HOW....we are the WHY...love and life are the Why...the HOW is unknown.

And this is where I surrender. This is where I find freedom. When our actions are out of love...with truth, respect and compassion in mind, they will bring to us love, truth, respect and compassion. These things are so key to fulfillment for me. My life is empty without them and when I embrace them I feel the distance between us and our dreams lessen....or maybe it is that I realise that this IS the dream. Living life this way...focused on the positive, cradling the negative with understanding (or striving too at least)...moving forward with faith and vision.

When Imagine Adoption closed its doors to Canadian families I was stunned. I looked at my contract..still sitting beside my computer, where it has been for almost a year, and said a quite prayer of thanks. You see, I have been holding that contract, reading it and re-reading it, wondering when the moment would come to send it away...to start the process on paper. I have had moments of deep frustration with the way things were flowing in our lives. Asking Why!?! when this love is so huge and true, when my heart is so open, why are things not flowing?? Eventually I embraced patience. I embraced the understanding that things happen for a reason and that the reason is not always clear to us. I wrapped myself in the faith that I KNOW that one day we will be in Ethiopia welcoming our children into our arms, our hearts. Embracing the change and gift that all of that will mean for our family. And I found comfort. And I let go.

When Imagine closed its doors something became so abundantly clear to me. Right now, with moving, with my Dad's illness and all that comes with it, I really don't think that I would have the strength to handle going through what all of those families are going through. I don't know that I would be able to fight the fight......I don't know...maybe I would, but really, I question my strength.

I am washed with a cosmic comfort...really!! When you understand that all the while you have been wondering why....questions, frustrated, angry at times....really you were being gifted with a deeper understanding of yourself then you could ever imagine.

hmmmm.....

I sent away for a package from the other Canadian agency that handles Ethiopian adoptions. They told me they would send me a package but suggested that I look at another country...maybe Haiti. Maybe in their eyes Ethiopia has become too controversial...to sketchy. It doesn't matter to me though. When we are ready to start I KNOW our children will be in Ethiopia and that whatever means we need to bring them home will be there...when its time. And for now I will wrap myself in the blanket that is my faith and I will continue to joyously put one foot in font of the other as I walk this unknown path, home.

~taking action~

*update at the bottom of the page*

Loss is powerful. It seems to have a butterfly effect...touching so many more then just those directly involved.

All week I have been reading about Imagine adoption's bankruptcy. I have read countless blogs, families who are of the 500 clients who have been thrown into a sea of chaos and uncertainty. Families who have put their hearts and souls into the adoption process...their children...their future. Who have spent thousands of dollars and even more hours waiting for their referrals, waiting to pass court, waiting to travel and pick up their children.

We had planned to go through Imagine when we begin the process of adopting our future children. This is one of the rare moments when I am thankful that we haven't begun yet.

I have also spent the week writing letters, signing petitions....praying.

Taking a pro-active approach is so important. Please write your MLA, your MP, the Minister of Immigration and Deb Matthews, the Ontario Minister for Children and Families. Here is a copy of the letter I sent. Feel free to cut and paste portions or all of it.

I am writing to you from my home in the south Cariboo, and I am urgently requesting your support with respect to the dozens upon dozens of families currently in turmoil (financially and emotionally) due to the recent bankruptcy filing of Imagine Adoptions.

I am writing as a mother of 4 who had planned to begin our Ethiopian Adoption through Imagine in the next year. I know there are families who have “passed court” and were awaiting travel notice to pick up their children… and who’ve now been told their children are in limbo, in Canadian transition homes in Addis Ababa wherein their financial accounts have been frozen and they may not be fed or taken care of to the standard of care they deserve. I know of a local (Okanagan)family in which the mother-to-be is now en route to her daughters in Addis Ababa to make sure they are cared for until the fiasco can be sorted out and the citizenship papers finalized. Meanwhile, her husband and father-to-be remains at home trying to provide the financial means to bring this adoption to a close… all the while worrying about his wife being a single mother in a foreign, third-world country. Also many families who have invested thousands of dollars and are in the process of waiting for their referral. This is heartbreaking for these families. International adoption tests our patience and will at the best of times. But there is a huge need here...143,000,000 orphans world wide. These families have gone through the struggles, emotional ups and downs...and now this.

I am urging you to please help expedite the citizenship legalities so these families can bring their beautiful children home. And for the families who never got to the “court” stage, I am urging financial help. They have invested tens of thousands of dollars, and years, into their dreams of building a family, and are now empty-armed.

Also, please take the time to read through this petition and sign it if you support it.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/SaveOurDreamofAdoptingInternatio/index.html

Here is a link to my friend Justine's blog. She has written in great detail about what is going on.

~cycle-therapy~ making it through the land of wait

I remember the first time I read Oh The Places You'll Go by good ol' Dr. Seuss. When I cam to the waiting page I clearly remember thinking to myself "I will never wait like that...I will be to busy living to even notice waiting!" ha.....oh the thoughts of youth. And now, here I am living in the land of wait on so many levels...trying to remember to live while I wait. trying (sometimes desperately) to hold onto the joy of the moment while I do my very best not to notice every single tick of the clock...

waiting for the house to sell

waiting to travel and visit all our family (its been years)

waiting to move

waiting to find out about my dad's cancer treatment

waiting to start my doula/childbirth prep class business

waiting to open my ETSY fundraiser shop

waiting for hubby to record

waiting to begin our adoption process

waiting....waiting...waiting

In so many ways I have felt like our whole life is on hold...so much hanging on the selling of our house. There are so many things we decided not to do this summer "because our house will sell". And when it sells we will take our children on the much anticipated trip across Canada so that we can visit all of our family in the east who we haven't seen for years. And then we'll move.

But for now...waiting...back to waiting....

So I have decided recently "to hell with waiting!" I HAVE to do something or I am going to loose my mind, literally. I have started making play dates...my kids having sleepovers...saying yes to performance dates....yes to camping trips. If I have to cancel last minute my pep's will understand, heck, they are people who I love and who love me...they see this wacky tortured frame I have been (or maybe not if I'm that good at hiding it).

My hubby says I need to get myself really involved in some kind of Ethiopian Aid organization so that, even though the waiting will continue for a while longer, I can still feel productive. He's right (as usual...he knows me so well) That has been my plan all along but somehow, amidst all this waiting, especially the uncertainty around my Dad, I got sidetracked. So, to all you folks who are on the Ethiopia train, help?? can you share you wisdom? send me links??

Another way I have been making it through...that helps not only me but our children (who reflect my heart and mind so clearly). is to bike. It is physical activity, it is challenging....we breathe in the beautiful, clean air and are lifted by the very action. If ever there is a moment when we are out of balance we hop on the bikes and by the time we get home there is a calm that remains with us for the rest of the day.

How do you cope with waiting? How do you get through those challenging moments that are completely out of our hands? (or, at least it appears that way)

Willow and Noah peeking from within their snazzy ride

enjoying a romp in the greenbelt..a wonderful biking destination

~raising eco/organic kiddo's on a tiny income~ also know as the crazy long blog post

I spend a fair amount of time with mama's and papa's of young kiddo's or those expecting their first miracle in the oh-so near future. So many conversations seem to circle....posts and posts worth. But one that has come up a lot lately is that of how to provide a green/eco/organic lifestyle for our children when our incomes are small...or heck, when we would just rather not spend excessively. So, here you go...my thoughts, tips and tricks.

As you know we are a home learning family of 6. We survive quite happily on the income my husband makes as a door craftsman. If you were to measure our income against that of the majority we would be placed in the "low income" category. But understand that for us, this is a conscious choice. I could easily go out and work, bumping us up into a higher tax bracket, but for our family it is more important to have me at home with our children. And so we work within our budget to fulfill our needs.

Now not only are we on a strict budget but we also have very high standard for ourselves and our children. It is soooo important to us that they way we live reflects what we believe. We realize that our most powerful vote is done with our dollars. We do not support places like Wal-Mart or McDonalds. We do our best to buy local, organic, handmade, recycled and "green" as much as we possibly can. So what does this look like in the daily lives of our family?

Diapering:

Well, the cheapest way to diaper is, well, to simply not diaper at all! It may sound crazy but Elimination Communication (EC-ing for short) is actually very easy and extremely rewarding. You can start at any age, so even if you're adopting an older baby it is fully possible..and sooo great for bonding! We started EC-ing with Noah when he was 4 months old and had it down within 3 days. We decided after 6 weeks that it wasn't for us as it required so much time and I was very bust homeschooling 3 older children, but I have many friends with 1 or 2 small ones who LOVE it and wouldn't go any other way so..... Check out Diaperfree Baby!

Cloth Diapering has worked best for our family and is what I plan to do with our babies when we adopt. It is cheap, economical, easy to do and gentle on babes skin (use a natural detergent and vinegar) and usually leads to early potty training as they can actually feel when they're wet. We also used wool soakers with Noah which I loved!! (no, they we're not itchy) We used Longies in the colder season and shorties in the summer (or just diaper free). It was great too because he only needed shirts...the soakers doubled as bottoms and are sooo super cute! I did some trade work with a local knitting goddess (canning, wool, shoes) who did a bunch of shorties and longies for Noah..all it cost me was $30 for the wool!

cloth diapering links:

Motherease (we swear by the one size that fit from newby to potty training!)

Aristocrat Wool soakers (the only leak free soaker for night time that we've ever found)

Kozy Designs make beautiful, high quality soakers...Noah still wears his favorite longies as pants even though he's been out of diapers for 7 months!

Diaper Shower makes cleaning poopy diapers a breeze!!

For those who find the art of cloth diapering daunting (its really not as hard as you think!) or for when your traveling etc they're are all kinds of eco options. G-diapers are my fav....compostable/flushable and made from tree pulp...a bit pricey but we only used them for nights when Noah was older or for long outings. Other good brands include 7th Generation chlorine-free disposables, Nature Baby Care (I have a friend who uses these and loves them)

As far as wipes go, we buy bulk packs of baby cloths (about 30 does the trick) and just toss them in the wash with diapers.

Food:

This is our single greatest expense. We eat mostly organic, cook from scratch and buy in bulk when ever we can. (we are part of an organic food co-op and buy sugar/grains/beans etc. is large quantities) With babies there are very few things we buy that are any different then what everyone else eats. We buy Natures Path organic Kamut Puffs (nice and cheap!) for an easy finger food, organic Arrowroot cookies by Healthy Times...that's pretty much it. Sometimes I'll by boxed organic rice or oat cereal and a large jar of organic apple sauce (unless I have some made) and use that for a quick breakfast. For the most part we stay away from pre-made baby foods...even organic ones. The nutritional value in these foods just can't compare with what your baby gets when you make their food yourself. One of the easiest ways to do this (aside from just feeding them what you're eating) is to do up small batches and freeze them in ice cube trays. Yam and quinoa, rice, tofu (or meat) and veggies, fruit and oatmeal...all of these things can be quickly reheated in a little stainless steel measuring cup (NO MICROWAVE!!!!!!) and is ready for baby to enjoy in minutes! Good convenience foods for baby: avocado and banana come in their own handy, dandy packaging! puffed kamut or sliced/grated fruit/veg in a small container (like these). We use a stainless steel sippy cup for water, spent $15 once and have had it for nearly all of Noah's life! (oh, did I mention we only eat out about 4 times a year?? that saves us a huge amount of $$)

Remember you can save huge amounts of money by growing food yourself and canning! Farmers markets often have awesome deals on bulk organic produce and you can preserve you own salsa/pasta sauce/canned fruits for a fraction of the cost of buying pre-packaged stuff! Not to mention that it tastes amazing and you feel good doing it!

Breast really is best! Not only does breast milk have everything your baby needs, it is also free!! Yay! You can breast feed your adopted baby as well! For more info/support go to Le Leche League International! This is what I plan to do when we adopt but I understand that it can be hard to have a full milk supply right away. As far as bottle feeding goes I have never personally done it, but plan to supplement when we need to. My kids have all been breast fed so my personal experience is limited to what I have learned through my sister who has adopted 2 babies. She has used organic formula and glass bottles with both. She does not use a microwave but warmed her babies bottles in hot water. Holding and skin to skin contact are key for bonding while bottle feeding...heck bottle feed in a sling and you can still have one hand free to push the grocery cart!! (can we say multi-tasking!)

Toys and "Stuff":

Less is More...this is the lesson we in the west seem to need to learn over and over and over...in every aspect of our lives. We are constantly trying to declutter/downsize/purge. So why the, I ask you, do we bombard our children with mountains of crap thinking that it will somehow give them fulfillment?? Haven't we already learned that the opposite is true?? hmmm.... I am just as guilty as the next person. I went up into the children's loft to help them clean a few years ago and was blown away by the shear amount of stuff!! Mind you, its not junk. Not cheap plastic stuff...but STILL it stuff...so much stuff!! We had practically the entire natural toy store up there! Who on God's green earth needs that many toys? And the answer...No One! Why? Because they DON"T play with it! Children become overwhelmed they don't know where to start and can usually be found playing with the same toys over and over (if they play with any at all) This goes for baby props too...bouncy seats, exersaucers, things that light up and beep.....ewwwwww!! I have yet to see a baby, surrounded by overstimulating toys who wouldn't rather play with a canning jar ring, spatula and bowl!!!

So, what did we do? We purged. We went through every single thing and whatever they hadn't played with in a long time we packed away. After a few months the kids and I looked at everything and decided to donate it because they realized that they didn't need all of those toys and they wanted them to go to children who don't have the privileged life that we have. (I love that our kids think we are rich!! ;) )

Now, when a holiday or birthday comes we get the children 1 gift each. (and we save so that it is a high quality gift) Something we have put a lot of thought into, often something we have made (like the kids wooden kitchen or Willows Waldorf doll) We usually get them 1 gift to share as well, high quality art supplies, games or books. They have never asked why they don't get a mountain of gifts, they have never felt like they were somehow missing out. We don't experience the overwhelmed sensation that comes (usually followed by a melt down) with excess. It is one of the best choices we have ever made.

Getting Around:

I am a huge advocate of baby wearing! I truly believe that it is best for both mama and babe in so many ways (maybe this deserves its own post?) The bonds that are created by constant contact can not be described unless its is experienced. To always know you child's needs, often before they ever need to cry to express them, is an amazingly empowering thing! When I see mama's carrying around those bulky, heavy bucket seats, rocking them to try and calm the crying baby while trying to fill something out at the bank or pick up the dropped item off the floor I just want to run up to her and hug her and say its OK...here try this (hand her a sling) and watch as her world is transformed. All the baby wants is her, to be carried. But how do you carry baby and big bucket seat?? (you can't)

I have heard many mama's say (and I have said this myself) "I Have tried slings and they just don't work for me." This is not a surprise when you look at the slings out there on the market. Bulky padding, thin fabric, tapered ends. Not good, sucky actually. Not to mention there are few resources to teach you HOW to carry a baby in a sling...sheesh! Spend a bit extra for a carrier that actually works (stay away from snugli!) The best sling I have ever used was made by a local lady...one of her prototypes. She made it out of a woven fabric that has they right combo of stretch and support. The closest thing that I have found to it is the Maya Wrap or the Ellaroo . I have also used the wrap style carriers. I did enjoy them but for me, the quick convenience of a ring sling was the way to go. I carried Noah in his sling exclusively until he was 1, and then I traded off with the Ergo.

I can't say enough about the Ergo!! It is an amazing carrier and as soon as baby starts to feel heavy in the sling it is the ONLY way to go! I have tried high quality frame packs, slinging him on my back, wrapping him on my back and nothing disperses his weight like an Ergo. I can haul fire wood for 2 hours, hike, grocery shop, cook dinner...anything and everything with him happily seated on my back. I have only just now started feeling him after about 30 minutes and he's a very big, almost 3 year old!

Check out the Learn Baby wearing to learn all the many ways you can wear your baby!

Carseats: The most economical way to do the car seat thing is to buy and all-in-one convertible that goes from newborn to booster seat. We don't need to buy a bucket seat just because the come with every stroller set out there. This is a great way to save a bit of $$ and if you buy your convertible on sale..well, even better!

Strollers: The only time I use a stroller is when we go ice skating. So, if you plan to do baby wearing and you don't ice skate you can easily go without a stroller! I do think that if we adopt twins (can you hear the hope in my...um typing?) that I will buy a twin jogger so that I can run with the babies while the older kids ride. Check out craigs list, ebay or freecycle for deals on second hand strollers. My last 2 strollers have been bought/traded second hand and where in amazing condition! (and even got passed on after me!)

Freecycle: for those of you who have never experienced freecycle before, check it out!! Sorted by location you can join a network of people who like to pass things on...for free!! Every morning I get an email from my freecycle community with a list of "to give away" or "wanted". People take what interests them and pass on what they don't need. It is amazing how much kid stuff gets passed on through our lil' freecycle community!!

Clothing:

This is one of those areas where people can go a little crazy. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for a sweet pair of shoes or an adorable dress just like the next guy BUT I use restraint....a LOT of restraint. I choose to buy 95% of our clothes second hand...I love thrift shops and consignment stores...so many treasures. You get the bonus of fantastic find plus the moral satisfaction of knowing that you are making a green choice by using something that is already there! (not to mention that, as far as non-organic clothing goes, they have already been washed many times and most, if not all of the heavy dyes/chemicals/fire retardants have been removed!)

I also save anything that is in good condition for the next child in line. If there is no "next child" then I find someone who can use them or donate them to the thrift shop. It never ceases to amaze me how often I hear mama's say "oh, you have a child of such-n-such a size? do you need clothes because I have bags taking up space in my closets!"

Shoes:

This is where I splurge. I LOVE good quality footwear. Our babes stay in soft soled shoes until they are 2-ish. Our #1 favorite for spring/winter/fall is the Padraig slipper. (see if you can spot 3 of our kiddos on the website!) Our whole family wears them...we are in love! lol Sooo cute, so warm. When our kids go outside in the winter they were their Padraigs inside their Stonz booties (even in -25!) We also wear Robeez when we don't need something quite as warm.


hmmmm...now that I've practically written a book I'm sure I've forgotten all kinds of key tips. Oh well, if you have a question that you think I mught be able to answer feel free to ask!

~♥Celebration!! a Blessing in the land of Wait!!♥~

I am covered completely in goose bumps, tears of joy streaming down my cheeks, for the third time this week!

I have been moved in ways I can't even describe by watching these amazing families go through the struggles and joys of waiting..."waiting with the infinite patience of those who have little choice but to wait" (~ from Cutting for Stone by A.V.)
I have been moved by the courage of these families as they reach across the world with hearts so completely open, welcoming in the kind of wonder from which dreams are made..the very best dreams. The deepest, truest kind of LOVE...big, big love...love divine!

So here I sit, celebrating for Julie and Steven...people I have never met...in such a deep way. Welcoming into their family FOREVER a sweet little Chunk of Love and a darling Degas Ballerina in a Blue Dress. You can read about their amazing journey over at The Eyes of My Eyes are Opened!

Congratulations guys!! You are such an inspiration to me in more ways then you can imagine!
(The Wish Bearer sure is making her rounds this week!!♥♥♥)

♥~woohooo!!!! Another family passes court!!~♥

What a magical week!!!

After a VERY long wait and 7...count them, 7 court dates!!! Nicky and Jrock over at Rowan Family Tree are finally the ridiculously proud parents of beautiful, twin, nearly 3 year old girls: Sugar and Spice!

I am so, so, so happy for you guys!! Your daughters are stunning. I have so much admiration for the strength you showed during this painstaking process. Those girls are so blessed to have you loving and advocating for them.

Congratulations!

(she is called The Wish Bearer...seems she is making her rounds this week)

~143,000,000~

I found this so moving. It really puts things into a tangible perspective!

(note: I am not endorsing Loving Shepherd specifically, but I believe that this really needs to be seen by EVERYONE so that the masses can begin to understand how extreme the situation is!!)

♥♥♥~THEY PASSED COURT!!!!!!!♥♥♥

K...I am so ridiculously happy for Courtney and Jason over at Dandies in The Sunshine who just passed court and are officially the beaming proud parents of the super cute, cuter then a button Solomon!!!

Guys, I am so, so, so happy for you! Your son is a beautiful miracle and I believe you are just as much a gift to him as he is to you!

(she is called The Wish Bearer....seems she was visiting you!)

♥~Okanagan Life: Faces of Adoption~♥

I just read this article and it made me smile....beaming on this Thursday morning. I LOVE that the stories of these fab-tastic families, formed in ways that sit somewhere out side the box of normality, are being celebrated and highlighted in such a wonderful way. What a great opportunity to educate people about adoption!

"Beyond blood, beyond race, beyond class, beyond nationality, beyond religion, there is a greater force that holds families together. It knows no borders. It knows no limit. And it can be found in these Okanagan faces of adoption"

Click on the magazine cover to read the full article...there are loads of adoption links at the bottom of the page. Happy reading!


xo
Jenn

~So long 2008~

It has been a wild year. Wild and wonderful. When I look back and see how things have shifted I am humbled and inspired. This life is so exciting!! I just made a video for all our family who live miles and miles away...a compilation of photos from the past year, and WOW did it ever put things into perspective!

I saw our house stripped down to studs and the reconstructed and made into the beautiful sanctuary that it is now.

I saw our beautiful children grow and change, becoming more even beautiful and brilliant as time passed.

I saw the confidence grow in my husbands eyes as he labored to create the home we envisioned...manifesting it so completely.

There have been so many changes this year.

Again I was reaffirmed that our decision to home school is the best for our family. That allowing our children to lead their own learning will take our family on the most amazing of journeys.

This was the year that I finally joined belly dance, something I have wanted to do for years. I discovered how fulfilling it was to actually take time for myself and do something I love and watched how the magic of that reflected in all areas of my life.

There was so little time for community activities, friends and even family that we were able to really see what we were missing and truly appreciate what it is that we have here in our little town in the forest. We were able to realize how much we value the relationships we have built and the way that we have woven ourselves into the tapestry that is this wonderful community. I could feel our roots digging deeper as we realized that we really do want to stay here.

This was the year that music re-awoke within my husband. I watch as he composes and am in awe of his gift.

This was the year that our son was diagnosed autistic. The year I began to teach those around me who work with children on the spectrum a different way to look at Autism. This was the year I was truly affirmed in the amazing brilliance of our son and was able to truly advocate for the empowerment and celebration of Autism as a gift.

This was the year that my heart took flight and soared across the ocean. The year I realized that the time was nearing to manifest our dream of adopting and that somewhere in Ethiopia, at some point in the not to distant future, we would find the children that would complete our family.

This was the year my Heart grew. It excites me to imagine where I'll be when my hair is long and white and I awake with the dawn to do yoga in my garden....so many years of blossoming left, I can't even wrap my head around it!

And so I welcome 2009 with an open heart, full of anticipation, inspiration and excitment!

~Gestating Elephant Style~

So, is it at all normal to feel such intense swells of emotion? My heart in my throat, my eyes welling up with tears. I realize that in my last post, written just this morning, I talked about patience and faith and believing. And its not that I don't truly feel/know those to be reality....it's just I'm not sure I can handle waiting to bring home our sweet babes from so far, far away.

Here I am, 9:34 at night, kids in bed, hubby in bed, cup of Tension tamer tea in hand reading adoption blog after adoption blog. Every 2 minutes I feel the tears well up again and I think...sheesh!! this is soooooo much like early pregnancy. Or when your pregnant and don't know it yet. I can almost see the rush of hormones any time I even think of our babies. And when I read about these families who are waiting for referrals or waiting for their court dates or waiting to travel I think "it all takes so long.....how can we wait to begin??!!" Or at least how can I wait to begin. It is all so much easier for Dad-e-o. He is not pulled by his heart strings the same way I am. He doesn't gestate in the same all encompassing way that I do. There is so much else going on in our lives with moving/children/work/music that it is easier for him to hold on to the knowledge that we will start once we've settled into our new home and taken our kids on our cross Canada journey. ahhhhh, why can't I jump into his head and just chill in that mind frame for a while??!! Just kick back and live the whole "be here now" loveliness that Ram Dass was talking about.

Oh Ram Dass....where for art thou?? lolol, but seriously, I find myself ebbing and flowing with stormy tidal ferocity. Crashing into obsession and then pulling myself out into distraction. Obsession, distraction, obsession, distraction...

BUT...it really does make sense to wait. Our house is for sale. When it sells, hopefully in late winter/early spring we will move to our new, currently undetermined home. We will take 2 of my sisters kids for 2 weeks in April as she and her hubby travel to Israel. When they get home we will go on our greatly anticipated 1-2 month trip across Canada. When we return home we will settle into our house plant gardens, build a greenhouse, dig a root cellar, preserve loads of food for winter and help our children settle into our new rhythm. By then it will be early Autumn and this is when we can contact Imagine and begin putting together our dossier to send off to Ethiopia.

Makes sense, ci? Now if only I can help my heart to understand that it makes sense. Or at the very least that what is meant to be will be. Maybe I should go and read my previous post.

~september brings her inspirations~

I am sooooo in love with home learning (Dad-e-o keeps asking why I say schooling when what we do is so NOT schooling). Our mornings are filled with inquisitive discovery and some how we keep being done at exactly 12:00!! How we managed that I have yet to figure out...but regardless, the flow of teaching all these sweet babes is going so much more smoothly then I expected. I have time for everyones needs and lessons...complete with projects and novel reading near the end.

One thing I am finding so serendipitous....our Africa study. Beena decided last April that she wanted to study Africa. This was way before Dad-e-o and started talking about possibly adopting from Ethiopia. And now, with my heart so open to the possibility of more children in our lives I am finding myself emersed in a multi-faceted study! It is so cool!! Even the novel that I am reading to Eden is set in Ethiopia in the 1840's.( http://www.janekurtz.com/books/saba.html ) Written by a white women who grew up there, the story comes from the perspective of a 12 year old girl...and it is beautifully and poetically written, which speaks to Edens heart. At the end of the book there is a whole section on a girls life in Ethiopia then and now.

Shifting directions....I am almost done with our application for Mr.Bop's special ed funding for "school". How this program works for me is yet to be seen. It is a bit more work then our already somewhat labor intensive Self Design program http://www.wondertree.org/ but there is a lot of support and our Learning Consultant is very open/unschooly and has loads of experience with autistic kids. I do believe that I might have found a mentor for Mr.Bop as well....someone to do 1 on 1 work in his line of passions ~ nature and all her splendor. http://www.earthwisetours.com/ I have talked with her about the possibility and will talk more after Mr.Bop and Beena have taken part in her Nature Journeys which starts next week. I think the idea kind of intimidated her a bit...the whole label of Autism can be freaky for some people. but I am sure that will shift once she meets him and is able to see his passion and focus in the field. Mr.Bop is also very "high functioning" which is so different from peoples "rain man" perspective of Autism. I am so excited that we might have found something for him!! Now there is something for everyone here, which really does effect our deliberation as far as to move or not to move goes.

Speaking of which, we are going to look at a place this weekend. 30 acres with and old house on it about 30-ish minutes from town in an area that we both really love....huge mountains, beautiful lake, thick forests that are not all pine. The draw behind this, other then its obvious beauty, is that there is a house that might be good enough to live in while we build. It also has power, septic and a well already in place which saves us a huge amount of time and work....we're feeling pretty done in the work category right now!! I'll keep you posted!

Here are a few pic's of our adventures in the greenbelt with Jess.

Me bellydancing at the fall fair with my new orange costume pieces that my mama got me for my birthday!