Sunday, February 28, 2010

~testing, tesing...1 (Faith), 2 (Patience), 3 (Gratitude)~

Is it possible that Patience, after being sought after and struggled for...after spending countless hours being reached for, begged it possible that it could become comfy? That Patience could become complacency? an excuse for in activity?

I wonder.

Patience is a virtue...yes!

but right now I wonder....

but then...really it is Patience coupled with Faith that will guide us to where we need to be. Faith is so much more so then I think we realize. Complete and true Faith is propelling. It is a catalyst for action...although not always (or should I say, rarely) that action that we hope for.

I feel like I am being sooooo very tested.

Patience....maybe it is because I feel like I am a pretty patient person? maybe I need to be realize that actually, I'm not so patient after all.

Its just, I read things like this and this and think, why are we not there!?! what is it we need to do to get there? funny thing is I least part of the answer. This would be where the whole lack of patience becomes so glaringly obvious. Where Trust and Faith really need to come into play.

I need to find Gratitude for this place...most days I am feeling very, even amidst my words of frustration there is Gratitude.

Gratitude that downstairs is my Dad, who's body is fighting lung cancer, who's heart is trying to wrap around losing his dog...the one companion that has been with him through his struggles over the last few years. That he is here and I am able to wrap him in the love that every one of us deserves. That I am gifted with moments of wisdom where my words are able to ease his heart and lighten his spirit. I am more Grateful for this gift then I could possibly express.

Gratitude that my husband, who has worked so very hard over the past 5 years, actually has time and equipment to record his spend time with himself after so much self sacrifice.

Gratitude that I am surrounded by amazing women who are so supportive, inspiring, loving. That we have a community here that is nurturing.

Gratitude that my children are healthy,. That they are thriving and becoming, more and more everyday, people whom I not only love unconditionally but people who I admire and respect because of WHO they are.

Gratitude that the time has come where I can take some time away from my children to attend births and build my Birthing from Within Doula business.

I am in awe of the Grace that has been bestowed upon me during some of the darkest moment of my life. I am so grateful for the sun. for the rain.

so Grateful...needing to remember that.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

~I miss you...but I haven't met you yet~

a melody for you all....I love Bjork. She's one of those artist that I've been listening to since I was 15 and still love.

Anyway..whilst sitting here, thinking of my longings and patience...thinking about the miles and moments that separate us from our future children, this song popped into my head.

So appropriate doncha think??

I had a heck of a time finding the original we'll have to settle for a remix with some questionable rap...but you get the idea((sigh))

I MISS YOU by Bjork

I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I, I will meet you
I was peaking

But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I miss you

I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting
I miss you

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


This makes me proud for all kinds of reasons. Every time I hear it tears come to my eyes and my arms are covered in goose bumps. I've mentioned Shane Koyczan before and am sure that many of you have seen him now. This piece was written by him and preformed at the 2010 Olympic opening ceremonies. It is so deeply moving and, while I am VERY anti-Olympics, I must say...I am proud to be Canadian and oh so very proud of Shane. Well done good sir. You deserve to be honoured in such a way♥

I searched for the Olympic version..complete with all the extravagance of the opening ceremonies, but all versions have been nabbed by the Olympic committee ((sigh)) But here he is, Shane Koyczan with his beautiful piece We Are More.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Our sweet Eden

This beautiful child.....
I can barley believe how big she is!! so graceful!

I just need to gush and beam at the marvel that is our Eden.

Tonight we went to dress rehearsal...preparing for this springs dance competitions. Getting used to their choreography on the big stage...bright lights.

Today I put makeup on her for the first time ever. She was so nervous...afraid that her eyes would somehow be damaged.

I love that in all of her sweet innocence there has yet to be a draw to the pop culture of make up and and boys.

I love that she still loses herself in imaginative play for hours on end.
I love to watch her nuture her siblings...the beautiful card she made for our sick Willow yesterday.

I love that she creates beauty and art out of the seemingly mundane...pine neddle crowns and scrap paper dolls

I love that she and her pal (pictured below) spend their days building forts together and drawing detailed maps of imaginary lands.

I love that they are children, shifting and blossoming into womanhood with out a sense of urgency.

I love that they sing all the time.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

~seeing (RED)~ (or the greatest treasure)

Today I ventured forth into the wide world, solo.
That's right. Solo.
As in, no kids, no hubby, no dog.
Just me.
Now in order to truly understand the scope of this you would have to know me fairly well....well enough to understand that I don't generally EVER go out alone. I am family loving mama who, for the most part, just wants to be with my crew. I lived the first 20 years-ish of my life running solo and have got to say that since having my children, lovin my hubby life has NEVER been so good. That said I do realize that it important to fuel this mama machine that I am. Feed it that life giving, soul connection of however small a serving.

Today's serving...a lovely day in K-town...big city 1 hour north...with my dear pal Tricia. Tricia also being mama to 4 bits of magic...both of us in need of some thrift shopping therapy.

One of the things I love most about thrift shopping is the treasure hunt. Digging through racks of weird and wonderful in search of that perfect item that screams "pick me!!" and I eagerly answer "YES!".

I passionately love thriftin' it up. To me new clothing is simply unnecessary (unless of course you scour the racks of numerous thrift shops and STILL cannot find a pair of pants...which happens....or you find some great piece on etsy☺) ANYWay...back to my train of thought. so, yes...I am a hard core thrift is always my first choice and to me each find is bliss encarnate...really. I'm that silly:)

SO off T and I go, happily chatting as I drive down the highway on this rare sunny day (after weeks of cloud cover...ugh!) we pull into the parking lot of VV and practically skip to the door (she's hardcore like that, too) We shop side by side for a while and then split off down our various aisles to see what might be seen. This moment was sooooooooooo peaceful to me. No kids asking me to buy them a million plastic toys (which we are, apparently lacking...what about all are super cool wood stuff guys?) Eventually they get lost in the book section, supervised by hubby and I..tag teaming for a venture into the shop. And then there's darling Adam, who, as much as he won't pay more the maybe $8 for pants, is ready to go before I've even made it through 1 section. ((sigh)) so this rare gem of an opportunity was something to be treasured indeed.

I love where my mind goes during these times. When I can actually finish a though and follow it through to the next (novel, I know!) And can you guess where my thoughts lead? of them?

Ethiopia. Adoption. AIDS. Our children. Their children. Mama's. not enough mama's...

I think to myself...the way things have been flowing lately I wonder if some odd, goose pimply magical thing will happen today. One of those things that affirms that you are on the right path. Maybe I'll find one of those cool Hearts for Ethiopia Shirts?? hahaha...that WOULD be magic.

but I know magic...I know that it happens to us when we need it. I know that it brings us to a place where we can learn and grow in the direction we need. I know that it brings a sense of reverence. of wonder. of grace.

oh, yes. I've met magic before.

so on I shop. loading my cart with shelves for my sewing center, clothes for Adam, clothes for me....I'm perusing the t shirt section when what do you suppose I find?? seriously....can you guess?????

this: an olive colored t with the word TREASU(RED) . you all know what that means right? that means that I had to use every single ounce of self control I have not to burst into heaving sobs right there in the middle of Value Village. I stood there, laughed out loud....looked around to see if anyone had spotted my insanity (nope) and took many deep, slow breaths trying to get my shit together. (yes I said shit...but should have seen me!!) I find T and spill the beans..actually tear up as I tell the books section by the change rooms...I exclaim that magic has found me once again and I am shaking like a leaf because ...well.....shizza...maybe you have to be adopting to understand...maybe you have to be sooo in love with a place and its people that you can barely breath sometimes...or maybe you can just feel this as I exude how much this simple little moment...this worn t-shirt in a thrift shop, means to me.

little steps along the way...little affirmations.....little bits of Grace.

I wonder if a t-shirt of mine will ever be so treasu(red) ?

have a very, very red day tomorrow!!! soooooo much love!!!


Thursday, February 11, 2010

It's official!! our Etsy Shop is OPEN!!!!!

holy kershmoly!

after nearly a year of holding the vision I have finally gotten everything aligned! Our Etsy shop is OPEN!!!

The shop will showcase handmade dolls, toys and other bits of all depends on whats inspiring me. All the proceeds from our shop will be gong towards our adoption. I will be making an effort to have many multicultural/adoption/Ethiopian related items for sale! Check it out and spread the word!!

and here she is...Bella, my first handmade doll for sale!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

so, I won something....

i am shocked

scratch that....

I'm amazed

you know when you need something?

when you're working towards something... you're visualizing it....

visualizing it like an impressionist painting...

Monet's sunsets, vague, full of color, alluding to something....details obscured

that's where I'm at. I have a clear "Monet" vision of the future. The feelings are so vivid, the energy clear...details, not so much.

So yesterday I was over at SouleMama. I love to frequent her blog. I find it inspiring to read of someone who lives, to some degree, similarly to me. I love her photo's...the color and light. Anyway, she had a sponsor giveaway happening so down I scroll to read about it.

My stomach twists, i felt compelled both to comment AND turn off the computer and run away. I decide to comment, thus entering myself in the draw, which was shockingly challenging for me. I thought to myself..."I never win these things anyway" followed quickly by "just watch, I'll win this because I'm so darned afraid of it....because I actually need it...because I would never just go do something like this for myself (not with a coin jar to fill)."

I won!

I will be taking part in Susannah Conway's e-course Unravelling!?!!

light spills forth and details become slightly more clear...

I am grateful...did I mention scared?...pretty freaked?? that to.

(you might need to read Susannahs "about me" to understand the fear part....)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

because I am touched deeply and inspired.....

all you mama's out there need to read this.

~Wordless Wednesday~(almost)

A glimpse.....

This sweet girl will be for sale in my Etsy Shop, Serendipity's Garden, as soon as I finish making her clothes. (grand opening to be announced♥) Stay tuned for more fabulous additions in the coming weeks! (our Etsy Shop is a fundraiser for our adoption....I'll post more on that when she's done☻)