Sunday, February 28, 2010

~testing, tesing...1 (Faith), 2 (Patience), 3 (Gratitude)~

Is it possible that Patience, after being sought after and struggled for...after spending countless hours being reached for, begged it possible that it could become comfy? That Patience could become complacency? an excuse for in activity?

I wonder.

Patience is a virtue...yes!

but right now I wonder....

but then...really it is Patience coupled with Faith that will guide us to where we need to be. Faith is so much more so then I think we realize. Complete and true Faith is propelling. It is a catalyst for action...although not always (or should I say, rarely) that action that we hope for.

I feel like I am being sooooo very tested.

Patience....maybe it is because I feel like I am a pretty patient person? maybe I need to be realize that actually, I'm not so patient after all.

Its just, I read things like this and this and think, why are we not there!?! what is it we need to do to get there? funny thing is I least part of the answer. This would be where the whole lack of patience becomes so glaringly obvious. Where Trust and Faith really need to come into play.

I need to find Gratitude for this place...most days I am feeling very, even amidst my words of frustration there is Gratitude.

Gratitude that downstairs is my Dad, who's body is fighting lung cancer, who's heart is trying to wrap around losing his dog...the one companion that has been with him through his struggles over the last few years. That he is here and I am able to wrap him in the love that every one of us deserves. That I am gifted with moments of wisdom where my words are able to ease his heart and lighten his spirit. I am more Grateful for this gift then I could possibly express.

Gratitude that my husband, who has worked so very hard over the past 5 years, actually has time and equipment to record his spend time with himself after so much self sacrifice.

Gratitude that I am surrounded by amazing women who are so supportive, inspiring, loving. That we have a community here that is nurturing.

Gratitude that my children are healthy,. That they are thriving and becoming, more and more everyday, people whom I not only love unconditionally but people who I admire and respect because of WHO they are.

Gratitude that the time has come where I can take some time away from my children to attend births and build my Birthing from Within Doula business.

I am in awe of the Grace that has been bestowed upon me during some of the darkest moment of my life. I am so grateful for the sun. for the rain.

so Grateful...needing to remember that.


L.T. Elliot said...

This is one of my failings--patience. I don't know why I feel such an urgency for everything, to be, to do, to move. I hope you're right and that gratitude is the key.

Evelyn said...

Your taking the time to be grateful has reminded me to do the same. Thank you. I think a lot about faith and about patience. Some of the waiting for me just felt like endurance. Hang in there!

Mark and Heidi said...

Patience, Faith, Trust, Humility, have them all, my dear! I hope these virtues of yours won't have to be tested so much in the near future.

And I LOVE Finding Nemo! I'm embarrassed to tell you how many times I have seen it (remember, there are no actual children in this house yet!). There are so many good analogies in that movie. I wrote about the Whale scene on my blog last summer. Dory, "He says just let go. Everything is going to be alright!” Marlin, "How do you know?". Dory, “I DON'T". And they let go, get swallowed by the whale, blown out through the blow hole and land right in Sydney harbor where they find Nemo. A little like Ethiopian Adoption, no? Just let go...

And now I have almost written an entire blog post in your comments section. Sorry about that!

Kimberly said...

I am so lacking on patience that I have never applied the term to myself (you merit it SO much more). I am always antsy and rushing. I could do with focusing on faith and gratitude as you describe them.

Anonymous said...

O.K girlie, you just have to post more often:)