100th post! also know as "Update on the Whirling"

I've thought about my 100th blog post a fair bit over the last few months. I guessed that it would come during my time Unravelling and I would be all super creatively inspired and have a whole shwack of photos to pretty it up with.

However, seeing as the level of holy-smokes.intense has been pretty high around here, I have decided to save that particular post for my 200th (oh dear...that has the tone of commitment...) not to mention the fact that I am 3 weeks into Unraveling and have yet to actually unravel...or maybe its just been a different kind of unravelling??...hmmm....



anyway....



the update, which I know is why ya'll are here:



we are moving. its official.



hubby's work situation here was a bust and...blessed be...we have connected with new employment in a place we have both always wanted to live.

coincidence?
yes.
serendipity?
yes.
kind of overwhelming?
not so much now, but last week? YES!!!



This week I am settling into the notion.

I am actually believing that it will happen.

I am trusting and faithful as the doors and windows seemingly fly open.



This is spring.

this is freshness.

new beginnings and the whole shebang.

heck, there is even romance! (did I mention that Adam and I both felt called there before we met!?!)

In that beautiful creative little town high in the mountains there is music...there is culture...there are loads of trees and tones of folks hugging them! (this is me admitting my inner hippie..yes, its true!) But best of all? a fabulous combination of forest...hiking/mountian biking/kayaking/wild romping/skiing AND access to services that our growing family is needing : aquatic center/dance classes/music/choir/green community initiatives/hospital/good food/skookum home school/ high school program! (because we are swiftly approaching this age)

There is a promise of settling in the air. A glimpse of something that dances away from limbo and into some good earthy, connected tribal groove. I am so ready for this. so ready to settle!



It feels like going home.

you know what? I think this time I will actually unpack!

~whirling...yup, my head is whirling~

...things are moving and shifting, picking up pace in such a way that has me nearly breathless. Remember how I just mentioned the need for patience...and faith. well........

Those of you that have been visiting me here for a while know that we have been living in a state of limbo. A BIG HUGE massive shwack of limbo, in between, laying in wait...what ever you want to call it the basic translation is: we have had no idea what lay ahead of us.

no clue.

zip.zero.ziltch

I've mention my "Monet vision" of the future....feelings, colors, rough outlines. But details? nope. details have been out of my reach.

until this week.

this week has brought with it a sense of almost unnerving clarity.

For those of you just joining me here I'll give you the brief low down.

We sold our house and moved to this little hamlet of loveliness in September...rented a sweet not-so-little place on the lake, knowing it was temporary and gave "moving back" a whirl. (being here is hard for me..much baggage and "stuff" to work through)

My Dad, who has advanced lung cancer, moved in with us in November. The longer he is with us the more we see that really, this is why we came here. So that he could settle with us while receiving his treatment at a near by major hospital.

All of this time we are trying to decide...do we stay here?? do we look elsewhere?? what does our family need?

All of the while my heart, yearning to be settled, understands that I must be patient and that once we are settled the time to adopt will near and my arms will be full of sweet, chocolate babes...completeness.

This week?

Something shifted at my hubbies work place. The proverbial "straw"...

The reason we choose this village in the first place was work. Adam could return to his previous employer...increased wage/respected position...yadayadayada. job security near good friends.

HA!

not so much. (because we must learn that what we think we have we often don't...maybe this is how we learn to value what we do??)

My dear hubby has become increasingly worried about the situation. But when he showed up one afternoon because there was no work the alarm bells began to clang. loudly. and over the next 2 weeks the volume increased until we could not ignore it...the time had come. the shift. the propelling event that would move us out of limbo and on a very clear path.

more on that soon...for now, whilst everything is being sorted I will leave you with this image:

is it possible I might actually be able to unpack soon??? (no, I have not yet unpacked...yes I realize that we've been here 7 months☺) Please pray for sanity and clarity...and will need both in generous portions!!

note to self: remember to breathe!

~testing, tesing...1 (Faith), 2 (Patience), 3 (Gratitude)~

Is it possible that Patience, after being sought after and struggled for...after spending countless hours being reached for, begged for...is it possible that it could become comfy? That Patience could become complacency? an excuse for in activity?


I wonder.


Patience is a virtue...yes!


but right now I wonder....



but then...really it is Patience coupled with Faith that will guide us to where we need to be. Faith is so key..so much more so then I think we realize. Complete and true Faith is propelling. It is a catalyst for action...although not always (or should I say, rarely) that action that we hope for.

I feel like I am being sooooo very tested.




Patience....maybe it is because I feel like I am a pretty patient person? maybe I need to be humble..to realize that actually, I'm not so patient after all.



Its just, I read things like this and this and think, why are we not there!?! what is it we need to do to get there? funny thing is I know...at least part of the answer. This would be where the whole lack of patience becomes so glaringly obvious. Where Trust and Faith really need to come into play.



I need to find Gratitude for this place...most days I am feeling very Grateful...today, even amidst my words of frustration there is Gratitude.




Gratitude that downstairs is my Dad, who's body is fighting lung cancer, who's heart is trying to wrap around losing his dog...the one companion that has been with him through his struggles over the last few years. That he is here and I am able to wrap him in the love that every one of us deserves. That I am gifted with moments of wisdom where my words are able to ease his heart and lighten his spirit. I am more Grateful for this gift then I could possibly express.




Gratitude that my husband, who has worked so very hard over the past 5 years, actually has time and equipment to record his music...to spend time with himself after so much self sacrifice.




Gratitude that I am surrounded by amazing women who are so supportive, inspiring, loving. That we have a community here that is strong..so nurturing.



Gratitude that my children are healthy,. That they are thriving and becoming, more and more everyday, people whom I not only love unconditionally but people who I admire and respect because of WHO they are.




Gratitude that the time has come where I can take some time away from my children to attend births and build my Birthing from Within Doula business.




I am in awe of the Grace that has been bestowed upon me during some of the darkest moment of my life. I am so grateful for the sun. for the rain.




so Grateful...needing to remember that.

~I miss you...but I haven't met you yet~

a melody for you all....I love Bjork. She's one of those artist that I've been listening to since I was 15 and still love.

Anyway..whilst sitting here, thinking of my longings and patience...thinking about the miles and moments that separate us from our future children, this song popped into my head.

So appropriate doncha think??

I had a heck of a time finding the original version...so we'll have to settle for a remix with some questionable rap...but you get the idea((sigh))





I MISS YOU by Bjork

I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
So special
But it hasn't happened yet
You are gorgeous
But I haven't met you yet
I remember
But it hasn't happened yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I, I will meet you
I was peaking

But it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
My best souvenir
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
But wouldn't recognize you yet

And if you believe in dreams
Or what is more important
That a dream can come true
I miss you

I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
When will I get my cuddle?
Who are you?
I know by now that you'll arrive
By the time I stop waiting
I miss you

~Proud~

This makes me proud for all kinds of reasons. Every time I hear it tears come to my eyes and my arms are covered in goose bumps. I've mentioned Shane Koyczan before and am sure that many of you have seen him now. This piece was written by him and preformed at the 2010 Olympic opening ceremonies. It is so deeply moving and, while I am VERY anti-Olympics, I must say...I am proud to be Canadian and oh so very proud of Shane. Well done good sir. You deserve to be honoured in such a way♥

I searched for the Olympic version..complete with all the extravagance of the opening ceremonies, but all versions have been nabbed by the Olympic committee ((sigh)) But here he is, Shane Koyczan with his beautiful piece We Are More.