My Dad was just diagnosed with lung cancer. 13 cm tumor in his right lung...possibly operable although they are doing test right now to see if its spread elsewhere.
my first thought. Damn cigarettes. you can't smoke for 50 years and not expect some negative side effect.
second thought. stupid man. stupid man for smoking for 50 years knowing full well that it was not a good thing to be doing to his body.
third thought. damn big business for being so damned concerned with big money that they don't give a sh*t about the fact that they're peddling death.
fourth thought. damn big money for owning all the pharmaceutical companies who make even more big money off of all the people who get sick and need crazy amounts of medical interventions.
damn you all!....grrrrrrrrr
fifth thought. damn me for trying to place blame when really what I need to do is spend my energy sending out big,. big love.
isn't there a manual for "how to deal with an issue so multi layered that really, is there a beginning?"
I thought not. ((sigh)
(funny...this whole conversation happened in my head over the course of about 5 minutes...yeah, I'm well practiced at talking with myself)
My Dad and I have not always been close. We have had issues. Lots of issues. But somehow, over the past few years we have come to a place where there is forgiveness and acceptance. A place of firm boundaries and removed expectations. A place where healing and respect can flourish and honesty is welcomed. A place that is what it is....nothing more, nothing less.
In the past year my Dad and I have had some amazing conversations. Conversations on topics I never thought he would even be aware of, let alone have deep conversations about. During his winter illness (he has been really sick for almost a year) he became aware of the healing power of food. He started drinking a super-food juice combo that changed his life. My dad drinks coke and coffee, eats cheese and meat...and cheese..and meat.... he's drinking a super-food juice!!! Becoming more aware of the effects of all food on his body/life and striving to make a change there.
We've talked about alternative therapy's for cancer treatment. We've talked about foods and supplement's that have been shown to fight cancer and strengthen the body. He is optimistic (most of the time) and feels like he can really beat this. I believe he can.
I came to realize something the other day. I am so thankful for these last few years. To see such a change in him...like he woke up after a lifetime of sleep. There are people who "sleep" right up until the day death comes for them, never having known what it was like to open their eyes.
But him...his eyes are opening, slowly. And I wonder if his illness doesn't have something to do with that.