Wednesday, February 11, 2009

wow..for me?? really??!!

I must share my excitement....I just can't keep it to myself!! So, my dear friend A makes an announcement at dance class that there is going to be a Tribal Fusion belly dance workshop happening on the coast in March. Ooooooo, I say, who, where, when??? Ariellah she say.....Ariellah?! Really??!!

Okay, I tend to watch a fair bit of YouTube. Tribal belly dance videos specifically, and miss Ariellah happens to be one of the few dancers that I really enjoy. She does gothic belly dance, which, while it is not quite my thing, is still rather striking. The way she moves. Her expression and choreography are amazing! So, needless to say I am tempted, REALLY tempted to go. Just to top it off, A lets me know that if I can't afford it I can go along with her as her "helper". She manufactures tribal belly dance clothes and imports jewelry from the far reaches of the earth and will be the only vendor at the event...a vendor in need of a helper.

So here in begins my struggle. You see, I have never been without my Sweetie Boy. The longest we have been apart was last year when I took a day long workshop 5 minutes from my house. This is entirely different. I will be 5 hours away. Gone from early Friday until late Sunday. Now, Sweetie boy is super secure and LOVES being with Dad-e-o. Heck, on weekend I'm not even aloud to get the wee one out of his car seat...."Daddy me out, Daddy!" okay, okay, I hear you.
Not only that but he rarely nurses (well, except on days like today where I swear he thinks he's a newborn again!) only a few time a day, and he doesn't nurse during the night anymore.

The truth of the matter is that it will be harder on me then it will be on him. So, after days of deliberation and consultation I have decided...........
...............drum roll please..............
to go!
I am sooooo excited. I start making plans to spend all dance free time with my soul sista Jess, ecstatic to have a night out in the big city. But as I'm going over all these plans I begin to think, maybe, just maybe, there is some way I could spend my time more wisely. I mean, if I' going to be spending time away shouldn't I be doing something functional?? something logical??

So I start looking into doula training programs in the area. I have a whole shwack of training and workshops under my belt but I'm missing one bit of certification that I need for this job for a government funded organization that will pay for Doula's for young mama's and those who don't have the funds to pay for a Doula themselves. I REALLY want to work there, and they have been patiently waiting for Sweetie boy to be old enough that I can leave him with Dad-e-o to attend births.
Well, as I'm driving Dad-e-o back to work one afternoon (we share a truck right now) I ask him what his thoughts are on me choosing to take the Doula training instead of the dance workshop. It's a bit more expensive, I explain, but it will mean an income for me in the not to distant future AND I can add it to my bushel of certificates when I apply for midwifery school a few years from now.

He turn and looks at me....trys not to laugh.

What? I say....am I missing something.

Apparently so...He goes on to say, in a VERY sarcastic tone, that I don't deserve to have things for ME, and that how could I even think of spending money on myself...lazy, good for nothing, selfish women...
by now he IS laughing.

What? I just...well I mean, I thought that if I had to choose one the Doula would be more logical!

He looks at me again, seriously this time. "Do both.....if you had to do one I would say go dance...go do something for you that has NOTHING to do with children. Refuel! You deserve this!"

Honestly, the though NEVER crossed my mind. I so rarely spend money on myself (not that we have money to spend). There is always a child who needs a coat, or a truck that needs a part, or property tax that needs to be paid. There is never money left over for mama. Let alone money for me to take 2 workshops, both things I LOVE with a passion.

The rest of the drive I could barely contain my excitement. I kept looking over at him with this stupid grin on my face like I had just won the lottery or something. The truth is I feel like I have. I feel appreciated, like he actually sees me. Sees everything I do for our family, all the sacrifices I make out of love for our children. He is saying thank you, and I will say your welcome...and I will go, with a heart full of gratitude!!


7 comments:

LexiconLuvr said...

I'm so glad for you!! How wonderful that dad-e-o appreciates you and encourages you! What a wonderful husband. What a great wife to see it and appreciate it. I'm just so thrilled for you all the way around!

Have the best time, ever! You've earned it--now go live it up!!!

nancy said...

now that is what i am talking about! sounds like something my hubby would say too! i am having the guilts bigtime about going back to ET (sans kids and hubby) in May for a month!

B.G. said...

that sounds fantastic - both the trip & loving understanding hubby :) eat some dynamite rolls for me!

Homesteading said...

Mmmm, sounds fab baby. Can I come too?:)

Malia'sMama said...

He's right- full to the brim Mama is a much happier person all around, so go get your Belly dance fix!

curious girl (lisa) said...

that's awesome. I want to find out more about the workshop.

p.s. I really enjoyed listening to the b.good tanyas while reading...

courtney rose said...

Melodious Mama! I got your beautiful card in the mail, and the beautiful wrapping... but, how do I say this? Hmmmm. There was no bead in the paper. Maybe I dropped it? Nope. I searched high and low for it. It's no where to be found.

But the card? And the words you included? And the way you wrapped it? Gorgeous. Beautiful. It made me feel so darn good. All words I needed to hear. I'm thinking I should get your phone number so you can remind me of these things in a verbal fashion once I begin to doubt myself... which I bet wouldn't take long.

I was wondering if you had taped shut the envelope you mailed it in...? There was tape on it, so I wanted to make sure that was from you. There were some holes in the tissue paper, but I only noticed that once I started searching for the bead.

Oh no!!

But please know how much I appreciate the time and efforts you put forth. I love having a sister in Canada! And again- I am humbled by the words you shared with me. Thank you, new dear friend, thank you.

My email address is crosejaynes@gmail.com Please- email me anytime.

One more thing- I'm a certified labor doula! NOT KIDDING! That, amongst other occupations I have had in my life, is one of my top things. Top, top, top. We must continue this getting to know one another!!

xoxo