So, is it at all normal to feel such intense swells of emotion? My heart in my throat, my eyes welling up with tears. I realize that in my last post, written just this morning, I talked about patience and faith and believing. And its not that I don't truly feel/know those to be reality....it's just I'm not sure I can handle waiting to bring home our sweet babes from so far, far away.
Here I am, 9:34 at night, kids in bed, hubby in bed, cup of Tension tamer tea in hand reading adoption blog after adoption blog. Every 2 minutes I feel the tears well up again and I think...sheesh!! this is soooooo much like early pregnancy. Or when your pregnant and don't know it yet. I can almost see the rush of hormones any time I even think of our babies. And when I read about these families who are waiting for referrals or waiting for their court dates or waiting to travel I think "it all takes so long.....how can we wait to begin??!!" Or at least how can I wait to begin. It is all so much easier for Dad-e-o. He is not pulled by his heart strings the same way I am. He doesn't gestate in the same all encompassing way that I do. There is so much else going on in our lives with moving/children/work/music that it is easier for him to hold on to the knowledge that we will start once we've settled into our new home and taken our kids on our cross Canada journey. ahhhhh, why can't I jump into his head and just chill in that mind frame for a while??!! Just kick back and live the whole "be here now" loveliness that Ram Dass was talking about.
Oh Ram Dass....where for art thou?? lolol, but seriously, I find myself ebbing and flowing with stormy tidal ferocity. Crashing into obsession and then pulling myself out into distraction. Obsession, distraction, obsession, distraction...
BUT...it really does make sense to wait. Our house is for sale. When it sells, hopefully in late winter/early spring we will move to our new, currently undetermined home. We will take 2 of my sisters kids for 2 weeks in April as she and her hubby travel to Israel. When they get home we will go on our greatly anticipated 1-2 month trip across Canada. When we return home we will settle into our house plant gardens, build a greenhouse, dig a root cellar, preserve loads of food for winter and help our children settle into our new rhythm. By then it will be early Autumn and this is when we can contact Imagine and begin putting together our dossier to send off to Ethiopia.
Makes sense, ci? Now if only I can help my heart to understand that it makes sense. Or at the very least that what is meant to be will be. Maybe I should go and read my previous post.
About Me
Thursday, November 20, 2008
~The Future is Now~
I usually don't like limbo. Generally speaking I LOATH it, but... I am learning a new kind of patience. The kind of patience that is birthed of necessity. The options: become more patient or end up in the "green bed". (losing my mind) I am not such a fan of feeling like I am on the verge of insanity and so, patience it is.
Our house has become a sanctuary. A place to relax...yes, relax. (we have time to do that now...well, kind of anyway) A space in which we can ponder the future. Wonder at the undefined possibilities. Re-evaluate our needs as a family and as individuals.
Its odd to be feeling so very contented about the whole thing. Faith has wrapped itself around my doubtful heart and warmed me from the inside out. Doubt melted away to reveal the core of me...the core that really, truly believes.
I believe that what is meant to be will be. I believe that we attract to ourselves exactly what we need. I believe that the future is a beautiful thing. I believe that faith is key.
I know I needed a break. My hubby needed a break. We needed to reacquaint ourselves with ourselves. And now, with this pause in our lives, we have been gifted the opportunity to do just that. To find our place on this path. To journey forward with sure steps. Affirmed that this truly is the direction we are meant to go without needing to know where we will end up.
The future is full of music and creation. Dance and friendships. Travel and adventure. Roots and branches. Of babies and children....our ever growing family. Home and Heart.
The Future is Now.
Friday, October 10, 2008
~my Libra boys~
Dad-e-o and Sweetie Boy...my Libra guys...celebrating the gift of their lives!!
mmm....cake!!
a HORSE!!!! "Mine howse!!??" Sweetie Boys new favorite thing
a saddle and everything!
~cousins~
mmm....cake!!
a HORSE!!!! "Mine howse!!??" Sweetie Boys new favorite thing
a saddle and everything!
~cousins~
~L is for Learning~
Finding moments to write proves more challenging then I anticipated!! Not that I really expect to have oodles of time to write daily or anything...just maybe a few more moments then I have found so far. I suppose I need to make spilling more of a priority. After all, isn't that the beauty of a blog?? To have a place on which to spill the overflowing happenings of a life such as this??
but TIME.....where does it go??!!
I've gotta say, trying to do reporting on 3 kids is a heck of a lot more work then doing reporting for 1!! I have Honey registered with a program that requires really minimal reporting. Basically just the technical "she did pages this and that from this book, went on a field trip, did an art project...done" I LOVE it...so easy. It takes me all of 10 minutes to do her weekly report and I get the SAME amount of money as I get for Beena and Mr. Bop!! Their program requires a weekly hours log (min. 25 hour of learning) plus and O4L (observing for learning) which is basically a lil' essay on what they learned, how the felt about it....challenges and triumphs. All in all a much more soulful way of going about things, which is why I signed up with this program in the first place. I love that my children aren't measured and compared, that they appreciated for the multifaceted people that they are, BUT...it takes me an hour to do each of them, which may not seem like much but I've got to say trying to pull an extra 2 hours out of every week when I swear there aren't enough hours to begin with is challenging to say the least.
So why, you might ask, do I stay with the program that asks so much of me?? Well, Mr. Bop is kind of on a test run with them this year. They have a great special ed program and he is registered as a special need guy, which means I have access to a whole shwack of extra funding and lots of support. I'm not sure if I'm really going to need all this extra funding and support yet...thus the test run. But I can say that having someone to bounce off of and seek reassurance and resources from is a VERY good thing...especially someone who respects our rather unconventional way of doing things.
As far as Beena goes, she has been with her LC (learning consultant) for 4 years. Over time we have developed a rather close relationship. Having a female mentor for Beena who has been a part of her life for so long is really important to me, especially as she gets older and begins to do more of her own O4L-ing. Her LC is someone that she can turn to as she goes through the challenges of shifting into women hood.
For these reasons I continue to make the sacrifice of my time and head space. We'll see where I'm at by the end of the year...you never know, maybe it will just take a bit of time for me to get into the rhythm of it all.
Its no wonder I have a hard time finding a moment to write when I am finding it challenging fulfilling my mama/teacher reporting duties!!
On the flip side the actual homeschooling aspect of life...the part that actually matters...is going wonderfully. (oh if only I had loads of $$ and didn't need the resource funding so much!!) I am in love with our new curriculum!! (Sonlight) and am finding the flow of working with all 3 children to really work for us. I guess its just the natural flow of our life. I am facilitating their learning needs just as I do from birth...providing them with what they need to reach that next developmental place. I love the affirmation that comes through the twinkle in the eye of a child who is empowered and fulfilled. There is no greater joy a mother can experience then to see her children truly happy...loving life and learning because that's what we humans do...learn.
~Sweetie Boy learning to propel himself on the hammock swing~
but TIME.....where does it go??!!
I've gotta say, trying to do reporting on 3 kids is a heck of a lot more work then doing reporting for 1!! I have Honey registered with a program that requires really minimal reporting. Basically just the technical "she did pages this and that from this book, went on a field trip, did an art project...done" I LOVE it...so easy. It takes me all of 10 minutes to do her weekly report and I get the SAME amount of money as I get for Beena and Mr. Bop!! Their program requires a weekly hours log (min. 25 hour of learning) plus and O4L (observing for learning) which is basically a lil' essay on what they learned, how the felt about it....challenges and triumphs. All in all a much more soulful way of going about things, which is why I signed up with this program in the first place. I love that my children aren't measured and compared, that they appreciated for the multifaceted people that they are, BUT...it takes me an hour to do each of them, which may not seem like much but I've got to say trying to pull an extra 2 hours out of every week when I swear there aren't enough hours to begin with is challenging to say the least.
So why, you might ask, do I stay with the program that asks so much of me?? Well, Mr. Bop is kind of on a test run with them this year. They have a great special ed program and he is registered as a special need guy, which means I have access to a whole shwack of extra funding and lots of support. I'm not sure if I'm really going to need all this extra funding and support yet...thus the test run. But I can say that having someone to bounce off of and seek reassurance and resources from is a VERY good thing...especially someone who respects our rather unconventional way of doing things.
As far as Beena goes, she has been with her LC (learning consultant) for 4 years. Over time we have developed a rather close relationship. Having a female mentor for Beena who has been a part of her life for so long is really important to me, especially as she gets older and begins to do more of her own O4L-ing. Her LC is someone that she can turn to as she goes through the challenges of shifting into women hood.
For these reasons I continue to make the sacrifice of my time and head space. We'll see where I'm at by the end of the year...you never know, maybe it will just take a bit of time for me to get into the rhythm of it all.
Its no wonder I have a hard time finding a moment to write when I am finding it challenging fulfilling my mama/teacher reporting duties!!
On the flip side the actual homeschooling aspect of life...the part that actually matters...is going wonderfully. (oh if only I had loads of $$ and didn't need the resource funding so much!!) I am in love with our new curriculum!! (Sonlight) and am finding the flow of working with all 3 children to really work for us. I guess its just the natural flow of our life. I am facilitating their learning needs just as I do from birth...providing them with what they need to reach that next developmental place. I love the affirmation that comes through the twinkle in the eye of a child who is empowered and fulfilled. There is no greater joy a mother can experience then to see her children truly happy...loving life and learning because that's what we humans do...learn.
~Sweetie Boy learning to propel himself on the hammock swing~
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
~Sweet lil' Honey~
5 minutes for mom is hosting a fab contest that I am so totally entering....mostly because we are supposed to post a pic of our lil' ones sleeping and I had the perfect pic in mind.....and hey, the prospect of winning a beautiful bedroom suite (we would opt for the Summer Breeze set in Vannila cream, a match-everything-color for our little lady who loves to dress things up!) for Honey is an added bonus!!
So here's the pic...Honey just couldn't make it to her bed....to sweet!!
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