how does one get through this...how do I??
tears roll down my cheeks as my husband reaches out to touch me...sooth me....
his presence invites me to spill.
I am open here in a way I don't understand.
I am angry.
I want to help but my hands, tied behind my back, do little that I can see.
when I call..his voice every day seems farther...or closer....like I could reach out and touch him...but the miles stack up like odds against me and I fear them.
I fear their ability to hold me captive like some random psycho bank robber holding me on the other side of a panel of glass.
and then, from somewhere within me comes the cold....the sniffling cold that tells me the miles aren't the only odds I have to dance with. Patience of a new sort is being tested in me as I bath in oil of oregano...pleading for this to go away so that I can traverse the hills and valleys just to say
"I love you"
"your not alone....see?? I am here....here to do nothing more then be..."
be what??
i don't know
be your daughter....and you my father...everything else can fall away...the pain...the cancer...the chemo...years...money...time...miles.....it all means nothing
but I love you...that means something.
6 comments:
I am praying for you and your dad. God Bless.
Sweet, sweet Jenn. You reveal your beautiful soul even as the sorrow overwhelms you. How I wish you didn't have to endure this stress and grief, and yet I cannot help but think how fortunate your dad is to have YOU supporting him through this. You are a blessing in the lives of all who know you.
I am sending you love. It's big love, warm and cozy quilt-like blanket love. You will find your way- you have such a lovely heart to trust. Thinking of you!!!
love means everything
HUGE hug as you all go through this... daughter. that's out toughest role, I think
Sending positive vibes for you all!!!
Post a Comment