Fricken Fantastic Friday (or pic # 8)

As I said, yesterday was a challenge. Actually, it was the peak moment of a building struggle that has been reappearing over the last few weeks. (after a few months of semi-dormancy) When my hubby got home from work I was about ready to burst.

I don't know why but when he asked me how I was I said. "my womb is empty" He looks at me kind of oddly and then smiles. Heads upstairs to have a shower. I follow, needing more conversation...needing to spill.

I say "how about a vasectomy reversal?" his head pops out of the shower, he laughs. Why I said that I don't know...maybe I just needed to express my deep need for our children...the womb being a metaphor for the big gaping space (shaped like 2 little sweeties) in my heart that can only be filled by them.

him:"um, I thought we had a whole other plan?"

me: "what exactly do you mean?" wondering if he was going to talk about recording music or buying our next house, or when we move again...

him: "I thought we were adding to our family through another route where we will grow in a whole new way."

I start to sob....heaving, tears splattering, nose dripping. why? because he's with me on this!! because we are on the same track. because, even though we haven't talked about adopting all that much over the last few months, we have not lost sight of what we want. because he is my deepest love and when I need him he is there for me in ways I don't even know I need...until he says those words, looks at me that way, and fills me up where I didn't even know I was empty.

he pokes his head out of the shower again: "this is good!"

me, still blubbering: "what?!?"

him: "this shows that your coming back to yourself!"

and after months of being ill, he's right!! I am!

affirmation has an amazingly powerful effect....today I am basking in it. in the glow of this big, big love♥

pic number 7 (or the location of the rest of my heart)

Did I take this pic?

no.

am I veering slightly from my pic plan?

yes.

I realize I have a need to post not just my pic's but pic's that represent where I'm at. If I could take a pic of my heart right now...well, maybe you wouldn't be sticking around to read the rest of my post.

today it is hard to be so far away from them...our babies. our children. To be so far away from the time when we can say "we are actually doing this!!"

tears....throat full of my heart.

not feeling so patient today....nope, not at all.

maybe I should sew. maybe that will help.

(the pic was nabbed from here )

Of Beads, Yarn and Ink (or snapshot 6)

I wear a strand of bead most of the time these days. When I look at them I feel hope. I find joy, inspiration, light. I feel connected.

http://www.beadforlife.org/indexb.html

And the yarn...the bright red, deeply felted band of yarn on my left wrist? 6 other women share in this bond...our support and connection to a dear friend who is about to give birth to her second child. A wonderful tradition that was part of her Blessingway ceremony, connecting us to each other and reminding us to keep ever mindful of her as she travels along this path of motherhood. We will share them until her sweet baby is born.

and my ring? my one and only ring...a permanent reminder of the life long, soul mate, deep as the sea, big as the universe bond that I share with my husband. my gaze fall upon his hand to find it there as well. forever.


no better jewels could I wear.

~pic numero 5~

Edens dragon...'cause I'm crafty like that:)

~our life in pictures~

As I lay in bed last night I realized something. I have gotten out of the habit of taking pictures. There was a time when I aspired to be a photographer. A time when I had in my possession a smoking 35 mm camera and some snazzy lenses. A time when I created art out of the seemingly mundane.

Years past, the camera was repossessed by its original owner. We took shots with a semi-crappy 35 mm (still some amazing shots) until along came the Kodak easy share.

Now we, being the frugal folks that we are, waited until 2007 to jump on the digital camera train. And, while the picture quality left a LOT to be desired, we were pleased by the convenience of deleting unwanted pictures and the lack of $$ it cost to simply download them by the hundreds. (again, we are a touch on the frugal side)

But life being what it has been, the last few years....the last few months more correctly, have been rather neglected by my photo snapping self.

Recently my Dad lent my his super skookum Canon Rebel XTi, complete with a variety of lenses.

Have I even attempted to figure out how to use it?

No.

Do I really, really want to?

YES!

And so I begin a challenge that I have seen on a variety of fellow bloggers pages. The 365 day challenge. 1 photo a day for 1 year. (well, as close to that as possible...I'm still on the "be gentle with yourself" bent...taking it easy)

Granted that we are already a few days into January....(I don't actually know the date...just a sec).........

4 days to be exact.

So I will begin with an offering of 4 recently taken photos (taken on the Kodak easy share z612) and the ambition to capture as many images as possible over the next while. (on the snazzy Canon Rebel XTi) Luckily I have some wonderful subjects!

Alden and his new doll (made by mama) Akimbo

Willow and Noah

Noah, rocking the kit

Eden, gingerbread sculptor

anyone else into have a challenge on the go??