seven things.......hmmm

well, I was tagged by a loverly lady over at Dreams of Quill and Ink to play the "seven things about you" game. I'm not quite sure who to tag....

Anyway, my list.

1. I'm growing my hair out. For me this is a rather big deal.....manifesting the vision of the medieval goddess with curly tress that hang below her waist. You see, every time I have a baby I get this itch to hack it off. To somehow re-claim my image by doing something funky with my hair. I have succumbed to this urge after every baby EXCEPT Sweetie Boy. My hair now hangs down below my shoulder blades!! I'm getting there, I just need to fully embrace my stubborn side and keep going. That said, I have a hair appointment on Thursday. Just a trim...some long layers....keeping it fresh and alive whilst maintaining length. I can't wait!! (I get to go by myself, which is exciting in and of itself!!)

2. Dad-e-o and I decided to tattoo our wedding rings when we were married. Because we both play music and work with our hands neither of us ever wear rings.....not to mention we thought it was a pretty fantastic way to say "Forever"!

3.I am afraid of the dark....sometimes. Not always for some reason...haven't figured that one out yet. Actually, I have but thats a post all onits own.

4. I LOVE to sew!! I am in the process of making a pair of jeans from 2 pair that I didn't like....we shall see how it all turns out. I dream of one day making clothes by the rack full and selling to inspired people who like to express themselves through what they wear.

5. I am super "crunchy"....what ever that means. All I know is that whenever I read someones description of themselves and "crunchy" is present, usually we have a lot in common. I tend to do nearly everything differently then the general population, which I find liberating. I believe it makes it easier for me to dare to do somethings that others shy away from...I've never really gone with the "flow" and so I feel no need to join the flock o-sheep.

6. I love ancient bits from other lands. things drenched in history and rich culture. I guess this is why I feel so drawn to Tribal Belly Dance......the costuming is absolutely amazing!!

7. I use cloth menstrual pads and LOVE them!! I really think that every women should give them a try....no guilt, soft comfort, no nasty toxins to taint our sacred places.

so, now the tagging part...actually, I don't have time to tag....so, if your reading this and you feel so inspired to write your own "super 7" list then please, consider yourself tagged!

Stand by Me

Okay, I promise that I will finish my "A Mothers Fears" story soon, BUT I had to show you all this beautiful video. I saw it posted by Nicky over at Rowan Family tree and it moved both Dad-e-o and I greatly. It is such an inspiration. A song that I have sung so many times and will continue to all of my life. Stand by Me....performed by people all over the world, together...evoking unity on oh so many levels.

Enjoy~

~ A Mothers Fears~ part 1

As mama's I think it is part of our job to have all manner of odd and frightening scenario play through in our minds. I remember the first time I had a frightening/morbid thought~ That somehow my daughter would fly out of the stroller while I was stopped at the curb and get hit by a car. Actually, the visual was much more disturbing then that...all the fears of a new mama packed into one horrifying thought. In all reality it isn't very likely BUT it gave me an element of caution that might not have been there otherwise. And who's to say that that caution didn't save that babe on more then one occasion? Now imagine 11 years of fears. 4 babies. 4 children. All the fears that have translated into different cautions and preparedness.

Sometimes our fears can be a catalyst for change.

One sunny day about 4 and a half years ago, while driving into town with my children, Beena asked me a question.

"What are you afraid of mommy?"

I thought about it for a long time. At that point in my life I had let go of many of my "fears" and was in what I thought to be a much more trusting/positive/faithful place.

I answered "Fear. Fear is what I fear most."

It wasn't long after that that my earth was shaken. First Honey broke her elbow. A 1 year old in a cast is a sad thing indeed! We had vehicle problems. Then we experienced some fairly major family trauma during which I heard fear, real fear, in my husbands voice for the first time. There is still lingering pain from this...I wonder if it will ever heal.

Shortly afterwards I became ill.

Now, I guess the first thing you should understand is that I have struggled with illness all of my life. As a child I seemed to catch everything. As a teen I struggled with symptoms that I didn't understand, and being in a high stress situation (living on my own/working/going to school) from way to early on surly didn't help.

After the birth of my first child my symptoms worsened. I was in pain, exhausted, far to thin. My specialists wanted me to take all kinds of drugs and I was getting 10+ viles of blood taken every few months. I refused to take the prescribed medication. I had done enough research and had enough experience to know that my body reacted horribly to their medication. I would always get nearly every reaction known and be in more misery then when I began.

I told them that I would be taking a natural approach and began an intensive vitamin therapy regime. My health improved and Dad-e-o and I decided we would be open to having another child at this point. I was told that it was very likely I would be to high risk later on in life. After Mr. Bops birth I was healthier then I had ever been. I continued to take supplements and began to eat more and more organic whole foods. We began trying for baby number 3 (which took all of about 2 weeks) and I experienced my healthiest, most vibrant pregnancy yet. Honey was born at home in a swimming pool that we had set up in our living room with no complications. I recovered quickly and felt healthier then ever.

I had healed myself. Through healthy eating, an active lifestyle, loving support and a positive outlook I had done something that I was told was impossible and I was impowered by that.

and then I got sick.

It hit me hard. My body was rocked and my mind along with it. I panicked. How could this be happening? I was healed! what is going on! I could barely move for weeks.

I was so blessed to have my hubby working across the front lawn. He would make the kids breakfast and get them dressed. He would come in on his morning break and change diapers/get snacks. He would be in making lunch and back again at his afternoon break. After work he would make supper, read stories, put kids to bed, do laundry, tidy the house. He was my savior.

I began to see a homeopath after the first few weeks. I was able to eat again the day after the first dose of my remedy. We all breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn't been able to eat for far to long and had already lost nearly 30lbs. (did I mention I was thin to begin with?)

One of the things that I struggled with the most during this time was fear. I was experiencing panic attacks and anxiety for the first time in my life. I was so desperately afraid that this was never going to end. That I would never be able to parent my children. To play with them in the sunshine or cook dinner with them. To home school them. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to clean my own house, tend my own garden. I was afraid my husband would look at me and realize he'd made a horrible mistake and leave me.

Fear had taken over.....it has a tendency to do that if we're not careful.

~Laughter is the Best Medicine~

He says I look beautiful.

Maybe its the sweaty, tousled hair, the rosy cheeks and shinning eyes.
Maybe its the vulnerability that illness brings.

He says I look sexy.

I smile.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my sweaty forehead.
I laugh, hope he doesn't breathe in to deeply. Sweat gives off more then a shinning glow you know.

He says laughter is medicine.
He's right.
He is my Patch Adams and I already feel better.
Sure my breast is still inflamed, my feverish body is still exhausted, my head is pounding with an evil migraine that somehow always accompanies mastitis in my world.
But I am smiling.
My heart is whole and I feel lifted by what he gives me.
I can feel my body relaxing and I KNOW that if I can truly relax my body WILL heal.

He comes up beside me munching an apple.

"I know this sound cheesy" he says "but, I really do eat an apple a day."

Did I mention that he NEVER gets sick?

"Just wondering....do you?"

I smile as the sun reflects on his juice splattered lips while he chews, grinning.

No....maybe an apple a week. What is this, hubby's right about everything day??

It is gloriously bright this morning.

I am smiling, as I reach for an apple.

Grosgrain: The Lunch Date Blouse GIVEAWAY!!!!

a gifted lady giving away beautiful gifts

Grosgrain: The Lunch Date Blouse GIVEAWAY!!!!